Cloudy With a Chance of Slutty

 

Danielle Grant is my kind of Meteorologist. Grant is a sassy weather lady who resides in Spokane Washington and SHE’S GOT YOUR NUMBER, YOU HUSSIES.

Slow and slutty wins the race!

Slow and slutty wins the race!

 

Danielle was cheerfully giving the Valentine Weather forecast, at the conclusion of her segment, she summed up the weather for the big ROMANTIC NITE saying it would be “slow and slutty.” Enjoy the embarrassing gaffe in the short clip below:

Girl, you ain’t lying!

Slow and slutty is exactly how gold star skanks (like us) love to roll on Valentine’s Day.

No need to rush it, sexy. The night only happens once a year. The slower you go, the more likely you’ll get the most bang for your buck (get your mind out of the gutter.) Consider this, the opposite of “slow and slutty,” is “fast and chaste.” No thank you.

The term, “fast and chaste” reads very Taylor Swift to me. Matter of fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if T-Swift is feverishly writing a song with that very title in her Lisa Frank notebook (In purple ink with hearts dotting all the I’s, of course.)

Can you think of anything less romantic and hotcha-cha-cha than Taylor Swift with her army of foppish ex-boyfriends and Mr. Rogers sweaters? GROSS.

Do not want.

Do not want.

Tramps, harlots, slutfaces and party girls make the world go round and life fun. When Hallmark decided to create a day devoted to red and pink, it’s slow and slutty flowers like us that they were thinking of.

Dearest Danielle working the News Biz circuit in Spokane, I solemnly promise to do everything thing in my power to make sure your forecast becomes a true prophecy. Oh sure, most meteorology is like throwing chicken bones and reading tea leaves, but something tells me Ms. Grant has a 100% chance of calling VD’s weather accurately.

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