Scientists are hard workers. They quietly slave away desperately trying to solve the riddles of the universe one painstaking experiment at a time. It’s a thankless job, really.
Well, Science has made yet another startling discovery, and something tells me they had a fantastic time fleshing this one out.
A team of researchers at University of California at Berkeley have announced the news that is sure to have every Jugg enthusiast jiggling for joy. SQUEEZING BREASTS MIGHT PREVENT BREAST CANCER!
The study grew malignant breast cells in a silicone chamber, and applied pressure to the cells. They found that squeezing malignant breast cells caused them to stop cancerous growth and it “reteaches the cells how to be healthy.”
Folks, this is truly a monumental discovery for the medical world, and more importantly, for drunk sluts like you and I.
Who knew being groped by a stranger (who bought you shots and a funnel cake ) at the state fair, on a regular basis would be considered GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH!?
In all seriousness, Breast cancer is a cruel b*tch and the fact that potential prevention has been in both ours and
random hookups others attentive hands the whole time is an astounding discovery. Hooray science!
That being said, I have a set of mountainous wonders that can only be described as, “world-class,” and Lover fo Life is a grabby pervert. I think it’s safe to say, I’ve got a good chance of staving off this particular strain of Cancer. Oh sure, there are plenty of other versions waiting for me with lead pipes and torches, but I’m guessin’ Breast Cancer will get the squeeze.
Afterall, this is a man who has devoted hours of co-showers to soley making sure my cans are squeaky clean. Shower unitaskers, meet your new calling, the SQUEEZE.