Anyone who’s spent a hot minute visiting this clap-trap hobo parlor of a website knows that I don’t follow sports. Be it: professional, amateur, collegiate or Pee Wee League, literally not one f*ck is given by yours truly when it comes to athletic competitions. Of course, seeing as I’m a Native/Resident of Texas, where football is considered our official state Religion, every once in awhile, I decide to write about sports. Ball Watchers, enjoy.
Texas A&M, the rich hillbillies of the College circuit, have had extra reason to swig back their jugs of moonshine in exaltation this football season thanks to Freshman Quarterback, Johnny Manziel. The breakout star is on pace to be the FIRST freshman in history to win the Heisman, and is affectionately called, “Johnny Football,” by his hordes of fans.
Well, in too much mulled wine news, there’s a new siren in the sexy sports fan game, and she’s going viral on the interwebs faster than you can say, “Estroven.”
Seems this glorious beauty wrote a love song to the 19 year old Quarterback, simply titled: “Johnny Football.” The opus is set to the tune of the 1960’s pop-hit, “Johnny Angel,” originally sung by Shelley Fabares (who played Christine on the Craig T. Nelson sitcom, “Coach.”)
Her name? The Internets don’t know, yet. But you can bet your overly tanned cans that she’s a true Angel for fellow A&M fans! (And A&M haters for that matter.)
and cringe below…
Just a few things:
- How many glasses of Wild Vines Blackberry Merlot did it take for this video to get conceived?
- And what about her super-sweet snapping/twist in place moves? It’s like she was watching and taking notes at my 8th Grade “Just Say No to Drugs Dance!”
- First person to do a dub-step remix of this wins at the Internet forever.
Of course, the real hero in this story is the woman’s husband. You know homeboy was behind the camera encouraging her, “Oooh, that’s great honey, people love atonal moaning!” Sure, he probably knew Internet jackals would rip her opus to shreds with hilarious YouTube comments such as:
“Its safe to say this old slut wants to suck Johnny’s “Footballs”
But like a supportive spouse, he tirelessly championed her cause with hours of praise, direction and behind the back eye-rolls.
People, that’s real love.