Happy Halloween, beautiful readers! Today is the day when you shimmy into poorly constructed polyester costumes and drink the pain of the upcoming holidays away.
As for my plans? Rather than dress up as a “Slutty _____,” <–(insert any noun) I’m squiring the sturdiest and angriest pixie around the neighborhood while she begs for candy like a tiny street urchin. After Angry Baby is over all that walking and knocking nonsense, It’s back to the casa for some age-shaming of the older trick or treaters.
Oh sure, I’ve spent many an All Hallow’s Eve with my hamhocks exposed passed out at a party after too much “witches brew,” (read: Gin.) But since having a human burst through my abdominal cavity, It’s all about the kid-friendly Halloween festivities, baby. But that doesn’t mean YOU have to cover your azz and act right tonight!
In honor of Halloween AKA Christmas for Booze-soaked sluts, I’ve decided to share my pick for MOST HILARIOUS “SEXY” COSTUMES FOR 2012!
All of these Hos can be found on my go-to purveyor of dancewear and hooker clothing, Yandy.com!
First up, it’s SEXY WOLF!
Sexy Clownfish (WTF!?)
Sexy Tootisie Roll
Sexy Link from the Zelda Video Game Series
Sexy Baby (I wish I were kidding)
Sexy Mental Patient
Sexy Garden Gnome
And the piece de resistance…Sexy Mario. Sadly, Mario is missing the SEXIEST THING ABOUT HIM: The Moustache.