Happy Skanks and Candy Day!

It’s Christmas for our people!

Happy Halloween, beautiful readers! Today is the day when you shimmy into poorly constructed polyester costumes and drink the pain of the upcoming holidays away.  

As for my plans? Rather than dress up as a “Slutty _____,” <–(insert any noun) I’m squiring the sturdiest and angriest pixie around the neighborhood while she begs for candy like a tiny street urchin. After Angry Baby is over all that walking and knocking nonsense, It’s back to the casa for some age-shaming of the older trick or treaters.

Oh sure, I’ve spent many an All Hallow’s Eve with my hamhocks exposed passed out at a party after too much “witches brew,” (read: Gin.) But since having a human burst through my abdominal cavity, It’s all about the kid-friendly Halloween festivities, baby. But that doesn’t mean YOU have to cover your azz and act right tonight!

In honor of Halloween AKA Christmas for Booze-soaked sluts, I’ve decided to share my pick for MOST HILARIOUS “SEXY” COSTUMES FOR 2012!

All of these Hos can be found on my go-to purveyor of dancewear and hooker clothing, Yandy.com!

First up, it’s SEXY WOLF!

The Three Wolves Shirt is throwing her shade.

Sexy Clownfish (WTF!?)

Because nothing says “Hot slut,” like a cold fish.

Sexy Tootisie Roll

Lemme see that Tootsie Roll!

Sexy Link from the Zelda Video Game Series

Sexy Princess Zelda woulda been better.

Sexy Baby (I wish I were kidding)

Give this hooker something age-appropriate to suck on.

Sexy Shark

Chumming the waters for free drinks.

Sexy Unicorn

Unicorns were already hot as hail, no need to slut them up.

Sexy Clown

Starring in all of your future nightmares.

Sexy Mental Patient

Only a Crazy Person would find this sexy.

Sexy Garden Gnome

I just can’t.

And the piece de resistance…Sexy Mario. Sadly, Mario is missing the SEXIEST THING ABOUT HIM: The Moustache.

She’ll clean your pipes.



Happy Skanks and Candy Day! — 10 Comments

  1. Pingback: Happy Halloween! Here’s Miley as Nicki Minaj, Ellen As Sofia Vegara and me as Bill Clinton « The Twist

  2. Pingback: Happy Halloween! Here’s Miley as Nicki Minaj, Ellen as Sofia Vergara and me as Bill Clinton « The Twist

  3. Just had to share with you…my 13 year old son’s “girlfriend” dressed as a French Maid, complete with glittery, black thigh high pantyhose and high heels. WTF??? I was speechless. Well, until I had the sense to ask who told her it was okay to dress like a whore? Only to realize that most of the 13-15 year old girls also dressed like whores this year. I think we need to bring back chastity belts!

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