Grave Robber Will Steal Your Heart

Are you looking for a fiscally responsible lover who will shower you with flowers and affection all while keeping a committment to recycling?

Well, I’ve found him for you…

Meet David James Lee

Contain yourselves, ladies.

In addition to looking like a used up pencil eraser and having a name like a soap opera character, David is all about the romance. Why, he even insists on hand-picking flowers for his lady love’s bouquet!

Earlier this week, while taking a stroll through one of Jacksonville Florida’s finest cemeteries, David decided to surprise his main squeeze with a token of love. Ever the thrifty and green-minded opportunist, “Don Juan 2” bent over and pulled a bunch of flowers out of a gravesite. And they say romance is dead.

Unfortunately, the cops aka c*ck-blockers, caught David trespassing and noticed he was holding flowers with clumps of dirt still stuck to them. They asked him where he got the flowers and Mr. Lee replied he, “ripped them out of the soil next to a tombstone.” He then explained that the funeral flowers were for his girlfriend. I know what you’re thinking, “He has a girlfriend!?”

The cops arrested David James Lee and booked him on charges of being the cheapest boyfriend in the world.

Rather than condemn this dirtbag for digging in the dead’s dirt, I’m giving him a golf clap of approval. I mean let’s face it, you’re all jealous you didn’t think of plundering from a cemetery for YOUR lover, this guy was truly thinking outside the coffin box.

What a plucking jerk.

Five bucks says your Goth cousin will brag that they do this for their “beloved,” all the time. Geez, we get it Curtis. You’re so hardcore and mysterious.

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