Come On Down! (To My Lap!)

The King of Price is Right Queens

The Price is Right is a daytime television cultural staple for anyone who has ever: retired, stayed home sick, been on Summer break, or played hooky from work. Show me an unwashed slugabed, and I’ll show you a Price as Right superfan.

Unfortunately, a few years ago, the fools at TPIR really fudged it up and fired Bob Barker, AKA the sexiest Pepaw to ever use the word neuter on national television. They replaced the LIVING TREASURE with a humorless bag of boring, Drew Carey. I have refused to watch the crap since.

Bob Barker with his skinny microphone was a hero to yours truly as a kid. All of Barker had me in awe: the gags, goof-ups, and most importantly, Bob’s swagger. The RAW SEXUAL TENSION that oozed from the screen every time he interacted with a “Barker’s Beauty,” was a sight to behold.

For those of you gainfully employed or missing the ZAZZ gene, Barker’s Beauties are the spangled and gorgeous glamazons that lovingly gesture at the various prizes and cans of soup that appear on the game show.

Nobody does it better.

 To this very day, The Price is Right has a bevy of buxom babes. Pretty ladies who wiggle while they demonstrate the durability of riding lawnmowers, Buick LeSabres, hideous jewelery, and tragic dining room furniture.

If you ask me, the HOT quotient on the beauties peaked in the 1980’s with the great HOLLY HALLSTROM!

Forever in my heart.

Well, in a move that has foxy Nanas, horny Memaws, sick at home fancy lads, and skanks around the couches of America jumping for joy, The Price is Right held an online contest to find the first MALE Barker’s Beauty!After a NATIONAL VOTE the winner was announced Friday.

Ladies and Gentlemen who are into men, I’m proud to present the chiseled and newly minted Barker’s Beauty, Rob Wilson!

Hotchacha!

Rob’s a professional model who’s no stranger to the ho-stroll, as demonstrated in these pics from various online portfolios:

Slutting it up on one lucky bathmat

As a Shirtless cowboy who just ate something sour.

Fresh-faced and footwear free!

I think we all can agree it will be mighty interestin’ to watch Mr. Wilson show off a can of Dinty Moore Stew during the Grocery Game!

Sure, he’s got a touch of  lady-face, weird feet, and his eyebrows make my swarthy strips look like lazy caterpillars, but look those abs! You could chip a tooth on them!!!

Pube Veins!?!

 

Make sure to set your DVR’s as Rob debuts next Monday, October 15th. Oh, and because the fools at The Price as Right ALWAYS know how to screw up a wonderful thing, Rob will ONLY be on the show for ONE WEEK.

One lousy week is all we get.

Real Talk: I can’t wait to hear the uncomfortable cat-calls from the post-menopausal panthers that fill the live tapings of this show.

Personally? I’m holding out for a Drunk Frat Boy Contestant/ Rob Wilson impromptu portable hot tub demonstration. It’s bound to happen, they give away one of those dumb things every episode.

“I’m gonna pass.”

Rod Roddy, I know you’re up in that great television studio in the sky looking down on sexy Rob and wishing you were still alive.

Gurl, Please!

Afterall, Rod Roddy was and will always be the hottest man on TPRIR!

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