Pour Some (Fermented) Sugar on Me

Outrageously Flavored Vodka, booze-soaked tampons and the freedom flask. All of these bizarre alcohol stories have been covered on our clap-trap hobo parlor of a website. But today, I come to you with a spirited tale of a new spirit that just might be the end of novelty beverages.

German Company G-Spirits, is introducing a line of various boozes that are not only of high quality, but each batch is lovingly poured over a super-hot lady’s bazooms and then bottled all for the low price of 150 dollars a bottle.

Included with each bottle is a photo of the very sweater mountains that your nectar trickled across.

Liquor? I hardly know her!

The company insists a “medical professional” is on site at all times to inspect/oversee the pouring process. Personally, that little nugget of info gives me the sads…

I envision a young Doctor, whose family scraped and scrimped to get him through med school only to have them abandon helping others in favor of inspecting booze-laden breasts.  Those parents killed it for years and their “medical professional” child decided he needed all that training and schooling to essentially do what Las Vegas bartenders call a “regular Tuesday night.”

I’d like to address the frat boys, big fat party animals, rich idiots and any other person who is willing to waste $150 on this foolery:

For a mere $100.00 I will allow you to pour whatever you want across MY incredible rack.

Rum, whiskey, vodka, Campbell’s Chicken noodle soup, curdled milk, Yoo-Hoo, I’m up for it. No sense in you wasting all that money for someone else to have all the liquid harvesting fun!

Though there will be no medical professionals to oversee the pouring, there’s a 99% chance you’ll need to visit one afterwards. I’m calling my new business venture QUALITITTY SHOTS™

Oh, G-Spirits! Thanks for once again proving the Germans really have all the best ideas! Oh wait…nevermind.

That being said: If they decide to release a “Sofia Vergara/Christina Hendricks Pillowfight edition” of the stuff, I’m down like a clown.

Matter of fact, I’d pay DOUBLE for booze distilled from those Double D’s!

For the love of all that is beautiful in this world…

…let’s give this a SHOT!

Want to learn more about this collossal waste of money? (Of course you do!) Simply jiggle on over to G-Spirits extremely NSFW  website.

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Comments

Pour Some (Fermented) Sugar on Me — 2 Comments

  1. ^Agreed!
    I have so many questions!! How do they catch the runoff? Does the model make that face every time? Lastly, the thought of someone’s skin oil in my beverage kinda grosses me out.

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