This is an outrage!

Satan Claus is laughing his jingle bells off today as humanity was dealt a massive blow.

According to a leaked McDonald’s corporate email, the McRib will not be coming back this Fall. Instead, the fat cats at Mickey D’s are boggarting the pressed pork byproduct patties until December. Those dix.

Look, it’s no secret that the McRib is a springy abomination of the culinary arts. But to quote my burnout cousin, they’re “f*cking up the rotation.”

While many see the Autumn as prime McRib scarfing time, I merely enjoy using it as an excuse to play my favorite on-going practical joke game, McRibbing. Don’t know what McRibbing is? I’m too lazy to re-explain,read this post to get clued in.

Moving McRib Season to December is seriously going to screw with my holidays.

Usually, the yearly McRibbing game starts around October, so I’ve already been brainstorming elaborate scenarios and pranks. Now? All those good ideas will have to marinate in preservatives for 2 whole months longer than they should. SCREW YOU, McDonald’s.

That’s jacked up, Yo.

Think of the children, McDonald’s! Not shilling the McRib until December puts Junior behind on his journey to type 2 diabetes. How is he supposed to enjoy his “Lil’ Stabby Diabeetus Blood Tester Playset,” on Christmas morning if he hasn’t yet developed the dang disease!?

And let’s just say the whole end of the world December 2012 thing ends up happening…

You’re potentially robbing Americans of our last chance to scoff and ridicule our obese co-workers for eating a glorified gym mat slathered in molasses. McDonald’s, how could you!? I sincerely hope as a corporation you rethink your Pressed Pork Parts Sandwich Release policy.

Afterall, this is an election year! And I can’t think of a better way for dirtbags to celebrate not voting than by choking on a McRib.

via (Thanks, MT!)