You Have Sh*tty Dreams

A regular “Tony Robbins Jr.”

When I was first dating Lover Fo’ Life, a mutual acquaintance of ours was going on and on about her dream car being a new Volkswagen Beetle. Did I mention this broad was a grade A windbag? She described her DREAM CAR Beetle in great length, right down to the color and trim package, then paused for our response. It was like she was waiting for approval.

Without missing a beat, L4L chimed in with a simple, yet cutting retort.

“You have sh*tty dreams.”

I fell in love with him on the spot.

Since that day so many years ago, every time he and I have a small or silly desire, we sputter out L4L’s gem of wisdom.

Which brings me to last night.

Lindsay Lohan, America’s Junky, has decided to add motivational speaker to her roster of non-jobs. In a move that no one on planet earth finds helpful, Lindsay decided to inspire her Twitter followers with a simple snapshot and directive.

Wow. So deep. I’m giving you coffee-house poetry snaps, homegirl.

What we can all glean from this GLEAMING BRIGHT, RED-HOT THESPIAN, is this:  Lindsay Lohan’s life dreams involve things and flying around on someone else’s private jet.  Seems legit.

I mean who here wouldn’t just about give anything for a overpriced Mauve handbag with authentic dirtbag hand-grime patina all over it!?

Seriously, the laptop I write my comedy gold stylings from, is a boring plain one, completely free of crackie nail polish graffiti and the ominous quote of, “Please Me.” Obviously all this time I’ve been washing my hands and not scrawling on technology like a hyperactive 12-year old, I haven’t truly been “following my dreams.”

Ginger Gandhi, has really shown me the path to enlightenment!

Oh wait, no she hasn’t.

Lindsay, to quote a great philospher and motivator, “You have sh*tty dreams.”

And PS, if anyone tells you they are “Living the Dream,” whilst they squire a pack of Parliament Cigarettes around the globe, they are lying. Everyone knows Kool is the brand of choice for motivators and go-getters.


You Have Sh*tty Dreams — 6 Comments

  1. Let’s do it. No shame. No regrets. In the end, I can say I had sex with the star of the remake of “Parent Tra …” err, umm, “Mean Girls.” “Mean Girls.”

  2. Pingback: Marlboro Needs To Give Lindsay Lohan A Job… « The Twist

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