Mad Dad Around The House: The John (A Post By Mad Dad)


Mad Dad Around The House: The John

The Wife sent me to Home Depot for a toilet seat. It was tougher than it sounds.

For one, it’s rather humiliating. Like buying toilet paper, condoms or tampons and other shoppers and employees knowing damn well what those are going to be used for. Well, I certainly feel self-conscious about those type of things.

There are a lot of varieties of toilet seats. The basic sub-sections are “round” and “elongated.” There’s wood and plastic. Shockingly, despite inherent variety not being a selling point for toilet seats, there were about 30 total selections.

I bought one. Took it home. Installed it. Everyone was very pleased.

Then I really got to thinking: Why don’t people change out toilet seats more often?

Think of all the things you regularly change out: Air conditioning filters, water filters, light bulbs, batteries, tampons, bandages, oil, razors, socks, underwear, log-in passwords, et al.

All for safety or sanitary reasons. Yet, we will stick with a toilet seat for … forever. Growing up, the only reason a toilet seat was changed out was due to damage that would detrimentally make it incapable of practical use. The toilet seat in my bathroom growing up is still there. Thirty years old, to my knowledge.

You wouldn’t use the same razor, bandage, underwear or air filters for 30 years. Why would we use the same toilet seat for six months?

I don’t have to go into the gross details. We all know what happens in there. Deathhellarmageddon. It’s the Unspeakable. It’s Bodily Functions That Must Not Be Named.

Some (if not most) folks can’t even find themselves in a public bathroom more or less brave enough to master the toilet. I, for one, support those people.

Then, why do we stick with the one surface that takes the brunt of untold atrocities? Is there a more disgusting item in our houses than our toilet seats?

The main reason why I feel so strongly is understanding the relatively low price of toilet seats. You can purchase yourself a brand-new toilet seat for $5.99 at Home Depot. I went up a few grades with the $18.99 wood enamel, round and white. You can spend up to $50 on a toilet seat.

Either way, they’re highly affordable and incredibly easy to install. What’s preventing us from living a cleaner life? Isn’t an existence with less space for fecal matter a better existence?


– Mad Dad

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