Steven Seagal Stars In: The Celebrity Wine Guide

Sniff, Savor and Sip with me.

Once upon a time, Steven Seagal had a legitimate career. He was married to the hot chick from Weird Science and something of a martial arts wizard. What we didn’t know at the time is that Stevie was and is crazy as a crap house cockroach. These days, Steven’s been reduced to a bloated weirdo, with a phony southern accent that makes him sound like a scallywag from reconstruction. Yeah, yeah, he could probably still kick my butt, luckily he’d get so winded doing it he’s most likely never gonna bother.

Anysips, Seagal appeared in a celebrity wine video that is not so much informative as it is hilarious. Being the ever gracious host and curator of this clap-trap hobo parlor, I have embedded the whole freaking thing.

Look, I know 83% of you nunchucks out there are “too cool” to watch the videos I post, but this is one so worth watching. Sure, it’s 55 minutes long, however look at it this way, you have almost a full HOUR of “celebrities” dishing about WINE!

Additional STARS include: Peter Weller (Robocop,) Whoopi Goldberg, Dudley Moore (RIP,) and Robert Loggia!

Robby’s eye-f*cking you.

Loggia starts the video out by dipping his iceballs into a glass of red wine only to have a snippy caterer loose his shiz.

Of course, Steven is a welcome addition to the VERY INFORMATIVE video, why? He brought (his wife at the time) the beautiful and talented Kelly LeBrock, along for a bizarre and needlessly sexual bottle opening. Speaking of, Kelly Lebrock was the 80′s embodiment HOT-CHA-CHA Hot chicks, if you didn’t have your heart race looking at her nubile body back then, well…you’re a robot.

Yowza.

In addition to being super foxy, and having terrible taste in men, Kelly had a rockin’ accent and was the original Pantene model to say: “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.”

Kelly ditched the Tae Kwon Dork and never looked back. Here’s a photo of what that hot slut looks like today, and frankly: SHE’S PERFECT.

Kelly obviously made out with the devil to keep those beautiful good looks, and her luscious chest mellons have grown riper than any 1980′s computer program could have ever imagined.

Be still my heart!

So sit back, grab a jug of hooch, and take a look at Celebrity Wine advice from the 1980′s. Don’t act like you don’t have the hour to spare watching it. Girl please, you ain’t foolin’ anyone! We both know you got nothing on the books for tonight, or tomorrow for that matter.

Party of one.

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Steven Seagal Stars In: The Celebrity Wine Guide — 1 Comment

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