This Should End Well…

Corpulent Corporate King

Clive Palmer is a nutjob, but he’s a paid nutjob. Mr. Palmer is worth billions.

In addition to being the world’s sexiest Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloon, you may remember Clive from the news earlier this year when he announced that he’s currently building a replica of the Titanic that will set sail in 2016.

Because tempting the fates by relaunching the RMS Titanic wasn’t hubristic enough, homeboy decided to double down on the crazy.

In a move that once again pays homage to a blockbuster film from the 1990’s, Mr. Palmer is allegedly working with a team of scientists to bring a dinosaur back from extinction. PS: he’s not just working with ANY scientists, Palmer is believed to have partnered with the team responsible for Dolly the cloned sheep.

If Clive’s able to successfully clone/replicate a dinosaur, he plans to place it on exhibit at his new Australian attraction, Palmer Resort. Holy Chaos theory, someone alert Jeff Goldblum!

Get me Goldblum…and another fried twinkie!

 Not gonna lie, I’d hit it. Yes, Clive’s built like a bounce house, but he’s rich and crazy! DON’T YOU SEE WHAT THIS MEANS FOR ME!? Clive Palmer is the PERFECT person to fund my search for rediscovering, capturing and containing the MEGALODON!

As you already know, I firmly believe the long-thought to be extinct Megalodon is still living in our oceans. The Lord of the Deep is out there y’all, and it is my life’s mission to prove it. Clive obviously has the stones, the dollars, and the screws loose to make this happen.

My plan is simple: I’ll shimmy into some strappy heels, grab a shovel, dab some cream gravy behind my ears, and go digging for gold! Clive Palmer, I’m into it…I’ll jingle your “moneybag” in exchange for a fully funded Megalodon Discovery Expedition.

Oh, don’t you readers look at me like that, I’m doing all of this in the interest of Science!

For Science!

Anysluts, back to the whole bringing dinosaurs back to life and enslaving them for vacation resort entertainment…I say go for it Clive! Unlike many of you reading this, I seriously doubt this is going to end terribly with humans being crushed on the food chain by a limp-wristed T-Rex.

See, the real danger here is not the “terrible lizard” avenging their extinction. No, extinct evil rising from the evolution grave will be a cake walk compared to the true assault on humanity that is sure to rise from this nonsense casserole. What’s the horror I’m speaking of?

Marching Band Routines to the Theme from Jurassic Park .

LET’S DO THIS!

If this rich evil genius builds his own Jurassic Park, it’s inevitable that Marching Band directors around the globe will dust off this halftime show standard. Get ready people, it’s only a matter of time before we’re ALL subjected to hearing THIS over and over again…

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Comments

This Should End Well… — 4 Comments

  1. Oh Gosh, I remember it seemed like EVERY 2-bit highschool band in the country was playing that song OVER AND OVER again at every game, pep rally, etc. Im sure it still haunts the dreams of every band nerd of the 90’s

  2. Sadly, My band played the Jurassic park theme during halftime my freshman year too. I remember this show above all others… First we played On Broadway, then Jurassic Park, and finally the theme song to Star Trek Voyager! For the life of me I do not know why those songs were relevant to football or even to each other.

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