Pretty sure CPS is going to beat down my door after this post, but it’s too
embarassing hilarious not to share.
As a professional gutter skank and drunk girl about town, I thoroughly enjoyed my 20’s. And while the sky-high bar tabs, slogan T-Shirts, and smoke-filled discotheques have quietly faded from the daily routine, there are remnants of my whorey, partying, roots. Which brings me to yesterday.
Yesterday the Rooster, AKA my fellow former party-girl and dear friend came over for a day of shopping, swimming and partying. Angry Baby loves the Rooster and loves to do all of the above, so she was ready to be wild.
All was going swimmingly, when Angry Baby disappeared to go meddle in the deep recesses of my new closet. While she played with shoes and took everything out of the closet drawers, I decided to make the Rooster a cocktail called the Tropical Itch.
As I blended the fruit punch and coconut rum, I told her about the time Lover Fo’ Life and I first discovered the incredible drink at the World Famous “Tropical Isle,” on Bourbon Street. After reminiscing about the time she and I went to New Orleans with a group of friends in college, Angry Baby entered the kitchen where we were enjoying our drinks.
As if on PERFECT cue, she brought in a trinket from New Orleans! In her hand was a set of old Mardi Gras Beads, belonging to yours truly.
Yes, as you can see from the photo and gathered from the title of the post, they were “wang beads.” Our shock gave way to a rib-bustin’ hearty chuckle. Angry Baby placed her newly procured treasure in the high chair and proceeded to squeal with delight as she flung the string of peens around the room.
Yesterday’s “hilarious” peen beads are today’s stunning reminder that I’m in charge of a human’s care, growth and functional development.
Don’t worry, I still think penis novelties are novel, and will always find the fart joke supreme. Contrary to popular belief, having a kid doesn’t make you any more of a grown up.
It just means you need to do a better job hiding weenie-themed jewelry.