Bret Michaels is many things in this world, songwriter, father, wearer of terrible wigs, brain-injury survivor, walking STD petri dish, and now you can add: Pet Clothing Entrepreneur to the list.
Bret has started a line of pet wear called, “Pets Rock.” You can buy these abominations of rock and roll at a Petsmart near you.
Here’s the rock legend shilling his shiz…
You know what Mr. Michaels? As a CC DeVille enthusiast, and ironic Poison listener, I feel it’s my duty to stop this nonsense, consider these points:
The name, “Pets Rock,” is terrible. (No “Bret’s Pets!?”)
Can we just all agree to retire the usage of the term “ROCK” as a verb. Girls Rock, Butterflies Rock, This soup I made rocks, dad rocks at tying knots, and now, PETS ROCK! F*cking stick a fork in rock, y’all, cuz it’s dead.
Rock n’ Roll
Just got murdered
Ironically, Bret Michaels has been accused by music snobs of killing rock and roll for decades, with his glam-rock genre, but I disagree. Though unabashedly hammy and uncomplicated the music holds up. Don’t believe me? Go to a gentleman’s club at 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon and you’ll still see a fine lady hoofing it to ”Every Rose Has its Thorn.” (Rule #34 in the busted exotic dancer handbook.)
Bret, I’m going to call this point in your career Pets Rock Bottom, because you my friend are hitting it. It’s time to call in the big guns, stop this family friendly bull crap and get back to doing what you do best: hooking up with incredibly slutty chicks. What I’m proposing Mr. Michaels, is a Rock of Love Reboot. Go ahead and try to make it classier, but make sure to keep the girls super hot and drunk.
Real Talk: I watched every episode of Rock of Love. It was a sexy soap opera, complete with soapy showers! The tight clothes, the hair extensions, the silicone…and that was just BRET! The partying skanks with their buxom figures and questionable morals had me glued to my seat. The best television show ever needs to come back, your image needs it. Let’s go back to associating you with foxy knockouts instead of Dogs. As in dog clothes, the crap you’re trying to shill now.
Bret Michaels selling clothes to pets all over the country. Bah! Everyone knows the only celebrity who should have a line (yet doesn’t) is Snoop Dogg (Doggystyles!)
What’s next? Is CC DeVille going to launch his own brand of Rat Cage Woodshavings?
The Crib Keeper would like to congratulate herself on not making any “Look what the Cat Dragged in” references in this post about pet accessories.