The nicest people live in Florida.
Happy Tues-the-Extreme Day! Today, like every Tuesday, is devoted to living life in the extreme. Makes no matter how you do it today as long as you do it with all of what you got. EXTREME!!!!
Speaking of, reader Raye sent the following photo in, just to honor Tues-the-Extreme day’s patron saint, Vanilla Ice.
This fine morning I have a tale of extreme stupidity that will leave you laughing and once again shrugging your shoulders at those loveable freaks in Florida. It’s a story as old as the median age in well, Florida. It’s all about a man and his pet pussy cat.
Everett Robert Lages is a discriminating man.
Pussy Blocked. (getyourmindoutofthegutter)
He loves the nightlife and likes to boogie. Actually, he enjoys watching nubile nude women boogie. Seems our friend was out about town with his new kitten (whose name hasn’t been released,) when he decided to patronize the Emerald City strip club in Murdock, FL.
Mr. Lages repeatedly attempted to enter the gentleman’s club with his lil’ pussy and was denied entrance. Because he was also stinking drunk, Everett decided to call the police over his perceived injustice. Lages called 911…repeatedly.
The Sheriff’s department dispatched a couple of deputies to the Club where they attempted to calm the man down, and called him a Taxi. Despite the arrival of the deputies, Everett Lages insisted on continuing to call 911. They informed him that falsely calling the police was a crime, yet he continued to stay on the phone with the dispatchers. The cops decided to arrest and book him on a variety of violations from drunk and disorderly to misuse of the 911 system.
Real Talk: these officers were super nice and patient, had it been in Texas, homeboy would’ve been cuffed and in a squad car when they arrived.
I wish Mr. Lages had sought out the advice of yours truly first. I could have talked some sense into him.
Afterall…
Sneaking new pussy into a strip club is like sneaking hot buttered, fresh popcorn into a movie theatre, impossible. Might as well pay for the overpriced, stale, rancid stuff they have twirling under the lights. I’m talking about popcorn, of course.
Strippers and Kittens are entirely different sides of an “AWWW!” exclamation, the anti-matter of the other, if you will. And as any physicist will tell you, when anti-matter combines with its counterpart, the molecules annihilate each other.
Bet you didn’t think a post about a dude trying to sneak a kitten into a clam shack was going to include particle physics discussion? We’s smart and fancy, y’all!
By the way, if you’re away from the prying eyes of a boss, co-worker, spouse, or child, I HIGHLY recommend you click on the emerald city strip club link and take a look at the “Hottest Ladies in Southwest Florida.” It’s NSFW-ish, but has no nudity. What it lacks for in business appropriate, it makes up in sheer class, elegance, scabs, and busted glory. I’m not surprised the bouncers wouldn’t let a kitten into da club, kittens are too cute to be THIS CLASSY!
Aaaaand because I couldn’t resist… here’s one for my favorite drunk pussy smuggler, Everett Robert Lages!
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