Reader A-Ball won last week’s caption this contest and for his prize post on request, he decided to plea for a special day in lieu of a post.
“I’d like a Moustache Monday devoted to guys like me, who are facial-hair challenged. I can’t grow a moustache to save my life.”
And he’s right. See, reader A-Ball is also my Baby Bro, the fool wanted a lip sweater since he was a tiny lil’ boy watching my Dad groom and trim his glorious mane of a moustache.
Here’s a photo from the Crib Keeper’s personal archive showing just how gifted in the lip follicles my dear father is…
…pretty impressive, huh!?
Baby bro has attempted to grow a nose neighbor since he hit puberty. Sadly, he’s been unsuccessful every time. At best, my brother’s facial hair looks like he’s chugged a glass of Yoo Hoo. At worst, he looks like a sex offender.
BEHOLD! My brother after WEEKS of not shaving!
He likes to call it the “molestache.”
See a man with a ‘stache like this, and one instantly assumes he’s a cotton candy twirler at the local indoor Children’s theme park, Kiddie Fun Land.
Of course, no halfway intelligent adult would take a child to Kiddie Fun Land because it’s in the corner of an abandoned strip mall and crawling with surly teenagers waiting for the staff buy them booze. I’m getting off topic here.
As I was saying, my kid-brother looks like a kid-toucher when he tries to grow a womb broom. In honor of Baby bro, and his state of eternal peach-fuzz. I’m pleased to welcome you to another edition of MOUSTACHE MONDAY!
This one’s for the growers that are non show-ers!
Fellas, you’re just as tuff without a lip muff. Don’t be discouraged, plenty of ladies and fancy lads love peach fuzz. As a woman who has to beat back her inner Tom Selleck with a constant lip hair management regimen, trust me when I say: growing a moustache is over rated.
In honor of your special day, I’ve chosen to play a song by Motorhead, no…not because lead singer Lemmy has the sweetest Rockstache ever (he does.) It’s because one-time Motorhead drummer Phil “Philthy Animal” Taylor happens to have the sweetest Rockmolestache!
Here’s a performance from 1980’s Top of the Pops, it’s the band playing the classic, “Ace of Spades.” You’ll see Phil drumming in all of his PHILTHY ‘stache glory.