Ok, Maybe The World IS Ending

Kicks are for kids.

Kanye West, famed self-promoter and ego role model to yours truly, made news awhile back when it was announced he would be designing shoes for Nike.

Yesterday, an auction for a pre-order set of his “Air Yeezy,” shoes sold on ebay for $90,000. Yes you read that correctly: NINETY F*CKING THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR A PAIR OF SNEAKERS.

Here’s the completed auction listing (Warning! You may begin to uncontrollably weep for humanity.)

I’d Like to take this moment to address the person who purchased these “kicks” (because you know the d-bag who bought the shoes calls them kicks.)

Dear Dipsh*t,

I just can’t with you.

The stupid things don’t even freaking light up for crying out loud! If I’m going to be in the market for a 90k shoe, the dang thing better grant me the ability to do one or more of the following:

  1. Stop time
  2. Fly
  3. Switch genitals with a male for 48 hours

The only person who can truly afford ninety grand for a pair of tennis shoes is Bill Gates. Only Bill Gates would never spend his jack on that crap, he’d rather cure disease globally. Chances are you’re putting that shiz on a credit card whilst you dodge student loans from 10 years ago, no matter HOW WEALTHY you are, paying $90,000.00 for shoes is something your dumb azz can’t afford and or sustain as a lifestyle.

And if for some reason you DO have a pile of cash that can handle such a fool with his (or her) money? Watch this video and see how better 100K can be spent.

Signed,

The Crib Keeper

I mean really. Who in this world would chuck ninety thousand dollars for a piece of Kanye West’s perceived shoe-genius!? Well, except Kanye West. Egad, that’s it! MYSTERY SOLVED!

Another Score for Ghostface Killa Holmes!

Phew, looks like we might still make it to see 2013 after all, humanity!

You see, Kanye West is the king of self-promotion AND self-sabotaging. He’s just being Kanye, whoops…I mean, “undisclosed bidder!”

No need to take this dispatch of shoe consumerism at its worst as the clarion call for the four horsemen of the apocalypse to saddle up their stallions. False alarm! KANYE, You ol’ scamp.


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