The Things I Endure For You: Adam Lambert Edition

Don’t mind if I do.

Reader Eric requested a review of the newly released video for Adam Lambert’s single, “Never Close Our Eyes,” and seeing as I’ll do just about anything you needy hookers want, I decided to oblige.

In order to understand the rest of my post, I’ll need all of you to watch the following video. Not able to access Vimeo where you are? Then wait to read the rest until you can.

Just a few observations…

  • Why did they film this at an American Apparel casting call? Was Tilda Swinton unavailable?
  • And just what’s so wrong with a future world where we pop pills 24/7? In the interest of full disclosure, I’m considering popping something after having to sit through this eye-roll of a rip off.


  • Sad but true fact: My junior high make-up application skills and choice of hairstyle were nearly identical. Take a look at any photo of me from the early 90’s, Adam and pre-pubescent Crib Keeper are twinsies.
  • Favorite part of the video? The storm troopers suggestively shooting white stuff all over the crowd near the end, thus rendering Adam’s wardrobe to that of  a day-glo version of a 1980’s female stand-up comedian.

Aaaand because I’m a slut for any hack-joke: I’d just like to say, while Lambert’s song is all about wanting a night to last forever, watching this video made the 4.5 minutes it took to finish the thing feel like it lasted forever, HEEEEEY-OOOOOOO!

I think guest blogger and handsome devil, “Goodtime Ricky,” summed this video up best when he described it as: a “nonsense casserole,”  that is “equal parts Blade Runner and Hunger Games, with just a dash of The Walking Dead and Annie.”

Lamby, you’re too talented for this crap, after all, you were hand selected by Queen to sing in place of the late (and greatest,) Freddie Mercury this summer for 6 incredible tribute shows!

 Ditch the autotune and show off yo skillz gurl!


Thanks EDC!


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