Since 1861, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, aka MIT, has been a haven for some of the finest scientific minds in the world. One would imagine the hallowed laboratories of a university that gave us people like Buzz Aldrin and Kofi Annan would be working on solving the world’s problems.
And they are.
Dave Smith, A PhD Candidate at MIT and a whole gang of smarties from Varanasi Research Group, have spent months cloistered away with smart folk tools trying to crack an age-old quandary: How do you keep ketchup from sticking to the bottle?
After tireless brainbusting brilliance, the team came up with a non-stick non-toxic coating called LiquiGlide. When applied to the ketchup bottle, every last drop of the contents easily slide out. The amazing new liquid is good for all condiment bottles (plastic or glass!)
Right now, Dave is simply enjoying the smug satisfaction of knowing he’s probably going to get an A+ on his dissertation. But long-term? The application of LiguiGlide is being looked at as an anti-icing agent for windshields and anti-clog for fuel lines. Basically, homeboy and the company that funded/assisted are going to own patents on everything in the next few years. Gold diggers of the world, smarten up, tuck your cleavage in and head for MIT…because the bottle industry alone is worth 17 billion. Dave Smith is gonna be paid!
Watch the MODERN MIRACLE in action!
In an age when Cancer, Aids and Alzheimer’s have no cure, and the world seems to be swallowing itself whole, science has eliminated a TRULY DEVASTATING affliction. We can finally rest easy. After all, wasted ketchup at the hands of an unrelenting bottle is the original “first world problem.”
Of course, I’m just glad Mustard bottles will be able to benefit from LiquiGlide. Everyone knows MUSTARD is the KING of condiments. Ketchup is the syrupy also-ran to kick-a** mustard.
Today the brilliant minds of SCIENCE have conquered the blasted condiment bottle cling. Tomorrow? Perhaps bottles of booze that chill themselves! Get on it Poindexters, there’s a Doctoral Degree somewhere in there!