Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder (AKA Breakdown)

Like it was yesterday.

When we last spoke, I was fresh with the glow of reunited love. Lover Fo’ Life returned from his business trip abroad and we were beginning to settle in the new house. What I didn’t know is that Angry Baby had a 2-Day trip to HECK scheduled for yours truly. What a fool I was.

You’ll have to forgive me for the sparse posting, getting settled into a new house with a toddler is far more difficult than L4L or I ever dreamt it would be. Luckily, we have incredible family and friends who are helping tons AND L4L took a week off to settle in/ prepare the old house for the house market.

I’m happy to report that we’re “gettin’ it done!” but it’s been at a cost of all free time. I understand that just because I decided to go off and move to a new place doesn’t make YOUR job any less boring and YOU still have mounds of time to waste! So, I have returned this fine day to share a tale that just happened to me Friday, and was incredibly humiliating. I know how you ghouls love to read my tales of WOE with Angry Baby, and today I’ve got a doozie. Enjoy!

Breakdown

Friday we woke up and L4L went in for his customary 1/2 day at the office. The moment Angry Baby was conscious, she was yelling “DADA! DADA!” She went around the house looking for him and when she concluded he was not there, she proceeded to cry for the next 4 hours until she was reunited with him.

When he walked through the door, and she flung herself on him like a tiny stuntman covered in velcro. When he dared to put her down or LEAVE EYESIGHT? Angry Baby screamed.

This continued all afternoon.

When Angry Baby was tiny, she cried all the time, everything set her off. Thanks to the numbing routine of raising an infant, I was able to work through the hours of yelling. Perhaps it was my sleep deprivation, or the fact that nature gives new Moms otherworldly skills in knowing what baby needs, but I could go days before her constant screaming would upset me. DAYS.

Of course, at 19 months AKA 1.5 years, Angry Baby is no longer technically a baby, she’s a little person. Gone is the furious grubworm of infancy and in her place is a child that while a handful, isn’t set off by everything. My yell-coping skills have gotten rusty as now, she’s able to communicate beyond crying.

Unfortunately for me this past Friday, I found myself woefully unprepared. Angry Baby threw an all-day whine/cry/scream/yell/kick fest. All while I attempted to unpack boxes in the new house. Perhaps it’s the overwhelming changes in her routine, or the fact that she’s not the center of attention while L4L and I bust out the work on our new place, but Friday was a carnival of horrors.

At 7:30pm we had dinner plans with some friends, a proud KID-FREE couple, who enjoy Angry Baby’s antics supremely. We warned them as we sat down: “She’s in rare form today.”

The particular establishment that we were patronizing was a pizza joint that requires you order (and pay) at a counter. I left Angry Baby with her precious Pops while I ordered, at least that was the plan.

The moment I began to step away, Angry Baby started crying. I went back to the table and L4L passed her off to me, as he made his way to the counter, she screamed even louder. In order to placate her in the crowded (unfriendly) restaurant, the THREE of us went up to order at the counter. What a little jerk.

As we carried on a conversation over Angry Baby’s grunts and growls, she decided the high chair was bullshiz and climbed into my lap. The food arrived and I ate with her perched on me, whining the whole time she ate off of my plate. When Angry Baby had her fill of my tortellini? She climbed on her dad’s knee and slurped chicken fettuccine.

After about 20 minutes, she decided she wanted me again and started crying. Only once the PILL was in my arms, she wanted her pops again. for the next 5 minutes, L4L and I continuously passed her back and forth, until finally…even that failed to stop her crying. As she screamed in my ear I dropped my silverware, as I went to retrieve it, I wacked my temple on the side of the chair next to me. I was in sudden, blinding pain (literally saw stars.)

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFF!”

“Are you okay!?” Lover Fo’ Life quickly asked.

No. I was most certainly NOT okay. I’d been screamed at by a furious little dictator for the entire day. I was tired from battling Angry Baby and schlepping my belongings around the new house. Mentally, emotionally and physically tapped out, and now? Now my temple and head were throbbing. Something in me went kablooey.

“No, I’m not OKAY! I’ve hit my limit, I can’t take it anymore. Get her away from meeeeee!”

L4L swooped the tempertantruming child up and carted her off to her car seat. She stopped crying the moment they crossed the restaurant’s threshold.

Our friends where horrified at the train wreck. They sat and comforted me while I cried for the next 5 minutes. After I regained my cool, I joined a concerned L4L and we drove home. I hit my breaking point, exhausted and drained, I looked to the backseat. I was met with a grinning little moon-face.

“You won this round kid. Well played you little meanie.”

Am I embarrassed that a toddler got the best of me? Yep. But it’s okay. After all, Texas lost the battle of the Alamo, but we won the war for independence! Like an outrageously beautiful (and humble) phoenix, I have risen from the breakdown ashes, and now? Now it’s game on. You see, Angry Baby is going to lose in this battle of wills. I’m bigger, meaner, and most importantly, the one in charge.

Until next time,

The Crib Keeper


Comments

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder (AKA Breakdown) — 2 Comments

  1. Been there, done that, got the mean muggin’ stares from folks who have either never had children or have forgotten what it’s like to want to be outside of your house for one meal every 6 months… Just because my 2 little ones are now 4.5 and 2.5, I feel like I have earned the right to warn you that sometimes, it doesn’t get better for a while. Just know that it IS ok, and you’re (fortunately) not the only one going through it. My favorite? When BOTH of mine are actin’ a fool. It’s pure awesome! 🙂

  2. The new house/ moving suckage bit? I’m right there with you. I was possessed with super human focus and strength that prompted me to pack and clean the entire old house. Then we got to the new one and I was all “Oh. Oh snap. I have to do that all over again?”. A couple weeks later and my new house is looking fabul- well, whatever. We’re using boxes as side tables and I can’t remember where I packed the liquor.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *