Sound the sirens, engage your emergency worst case scenario plan, grab your bug-out bag and go to your fall out shelter, it’s the end times.
America, I have some horrible news that you’re going to
shame eat a box of Twinkies over need to sit down for…
Snack cake company Hostess might be instantly out of business any day now. Seems those dang ol’ teamsters are threatening a union strike that would mean game over for the struggling home of Twinkie the Kid.
In January, Hostess filed for bankruptcy. While devastating news, they bounced back from a previous 2004 bankruptcy filing, so all hope wasn’t lost.
Unfortunately, the International Brotherhood of Teamsters and the Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers, are quarreling with the company over pensions and what they feel is poor management. Look, I don’t really care about the particulars, all I know is that some jerks in New York are coming close to killing part of our nation’s DNA. You can read the gory details of the fight in this article.
If they strike, Hostess Brands company is kaput. Which means:
No Ding Dongs..
NO HOSTESS FRUIT PIES!
No super cool curly white icing stripe.
No HO HOs (<—best food name ever.)
and most importantly,
All of your self-righteous, vitamin-pounding, health nut friends are going to be extra smug on the way to the gym after they hear this awful news. Me? I’ve had the sweet creamy filling sucked out of my morning. Thanks for chopping up our beloved Hostess and burying it in a concrete slab, teamsters.
Teamsters: Y’all are some fun murdering jerks and I hope you seriously reconsider this strike. Think of the morbidly obese, the children and the morbidly obese children. Young Ryan Seacrest knows what I’m talking about!
Everyone else: Start hoarding your favorite Hostess wares!
Internets: Bring me your GREATEST Twinkie copycat recipes. HURRY, there’s not much time!