Bear and Lion Fight Over Elderly Man (Happy Monday!)


69-year-old Robert Biggs is a mountain hiking enthusiast from Paradise, California. He lives and loves to go on long hikes. Work it Pepaw!

Mountain Man

Last Monday, Robert had the GREATEST Monday in the history of ever. Seems our fit and active Senior Citizen was out hiking in Northern California (on a trail he frequented,) when Robert came across a family of Black bears. The family consisted of a yearling, newborn cub and their Mama. Robert watched them from a safe distance of 40 ft and after he was done taking in the bear clan, he decided to hit the trail back home.

Then Robert got a Biggs surprise (crowd groans.)

 Unbeknownst to him, he was being stalked by a mountain Lion.  The lion pounced on his backpack and knocked him to the ground. Armed with a rock pick, he struck the lion on the head. While the animal screamed and sustained a massive head gash, ho kept hanging on to the man.

Comin' Attcha!

Just as this stallion of a human went back to hit the cat in the skull again, a massive dark blur came up and ripped the mountain lion off of Biggs’ back.

Turns out it was the mama black bear, she had the lion by the throat. The two terrifying beasts fought it out for 15 seconds before the severely wounded mountain lion ran off. The bear dropped back down to all fours, looked Robert in the eye, walked off and reunited with her children.

Robert is convinced the bear meant to save his life. He and the bear had seen each other for years and while the mountain lion posed an eminent threat to her cubs, he’s positive the eye-contact she initiated afterwards revealed additional intention.

Because Robert is a total Chuck Norris, he walked home bruised and bloodied, but refused his wife’s pleas to go to the hospital. He treated his wounds with peroxide.

Like a boss.

Wow. Where do I start with this story?

  • Pepaw is a hoss, he fought a mountain lion armed only with a small pick axe and a will to live. When it looked like it was gonna be curtains for him, his old friend, THE BLACK MAMA BEAR tapped in.
  • This friendly she-bear is a true inspiration to the world. Homegirl makes Yogi Bear look like a degenerative alcoholic.
  • How many of you whippersnappers can count actual wild BEARS as your friend? None of you, that’s who.
  • Robert Biggs story needs to be made into a big budget blockbuster movie. It’s just that good. Matter of fact, I’ve taken the liberty of starting a script, I’m calling it, “F*cking cooler than you, The Robert Biggs story.”

I’ve already got a muse for the MOST important cast member…Mama Bear (aka the friendly bear with a heart of gold.) I’m proud to announce I’m going to try to broker a deal with the Roker! Do my fake film, AL…I’ll pay you in assorted fine meats and cheeses!





Bear and Lion Fight Over Elderly Man (Happy Monday!) — 3 Comments

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