One of the greatest things about being a man is, men aren’t forced to wear pantyhose in a business professional environment.
Before I was able to con the universe into letting me be a writer, yours truly was a successful business lady, living the life of a corporate ninja.
Unfortunately, when you’re deemed awesome enough to run things and you happen to have lady parts, there’s a 70% chance the company will require, “Professional Business Attire,” which means your azz is in pantyhose.
For men who have never had the pleasure of dressing in drag, pantyhose remain an illusive female torture device. Those men and women who have suffered through the teeth gnashing, crotch-itch causing, demon’s spiderwebs that are pantyhose, know that no one in their right mind would choose to wear them without being forced. (Except for hipsters and fashion slaves.)
Thanks to designer Emilio Cavallini men have a new line of “Brosiery” available to waste money on. Yes, brosiery is now a word. Let us pause to weep for humanity.
Anysausagecasings, Emilio has created fashion Pantyhose made for dudes.
You can Buy them here.
Cavallini’s mantyhose allow men to squeeze their hamhocks and jingly bits into the same weapons of mass unconformability that chicks have had to suffer for decades. Not only can men now also wear pantyhose, they can match their lady-love or Sassy Lady friend, whilst they do it.
I ain’t gonna judge, I’m down.
I mean sure, dudes doing the “Play-Doh Fun Factory” to extrude themselves into these won’t be nearly as sexy as when ladies do it. Ladies have loads of practice gracefully doing uncomfortable things.
Real Talk: You know your Monday is off to a great start when you’re mezmorized by an awkward bulge. Sorry, but the print/Ken Doll-like privates on this model are forcing my eyes to remain locked on his nether regions.
Brosiery is a real thing that now exists, and I’ve just spent the better part of an hour writing about it while gazing at a fancy lad’s candy drawer.
Yep, still livin’ the dream.