Tired. So very tired. I tossed and turned for the better part of the night and as luck would have it, Angry Baby decided to wake up for the day at 5:30am. Did I mention she’s TEETHING and in the grouchiest mood I’ve seen in weeks?
Hooray! Today is off to a super terrific start!<—Sarcasm
Luckily, I’ve got a beautiful stallion to chisel the sleep crust encapsulating my eye-meat, a man who stood up for principles and values. The very same values that are near and dear to me, principles such as: being a cheap drunk and skipping out on the tab. But I’m getting ahead of myself…
Meet Robert Engles.
Rob’s a handsome winner from Boulder, Colorado. The other evening, he was boozing it up at a local Cantina when he decided he didn’t want to pay for his bar tab. The bar tab was a whopping $33.00.
In a move that makes the Silver Spoons very special episode “Dine and Dash”, look like a Sunday comic, Rob decided to pull out a knife, what he did next cemented Robert Engles as a man after my heart.
He cut a hole in the restaurant’s plastic patio sheeting and crawled out in an attempt to skip the bill and tip. Only one problem, the patio was surrounded by a metal fence. After struggling with the fence, he gave up and was trapped. The employees detained him until the cops could show up and
laugh at his azz arrest him. By the way, that fence? The crime stopping barrier of steel? It was only 4 1/2 feet tall.
Robert, I’m gonna be real with you…you need to step up your drunk game.
For starters, 33 BUX!? That’s all you drank, and you were drunk enough to think knifing a hole into a giant,plastic bag was a good idea? And if that wasn’t bad enough, a 4 FOOT FENCE KEPT YOU IN? My Nana could leap a 4 foot fence, and she drinks vodka like it’s water (love you GURL!)
All those fireworks from a measly $33.00 amount of booze? Unless it was $1 Everclear Shots night at the bar, you’re a lightweight. But I aint mad attcha, Rob. Matter of fact, I love a “cheap drunk,” it combines two of my favorite words.
As kissable as his busted James Franco mug and lips look, there’s a big problem with the logic. He chose to fight his way out of a bar tab, when everyone knows: love is much more effective.
Robert Engles: Bar sluts are lovers, not fighters. If you want to skip a bill at a bar, you need to get in line and shamelessly flirt like the rest of us.