A Wisconsin man is jockeying to be #1 nitwit in the hearts of all Americans.

Meet 52-year-old Jeff Summers (no relation to Double Dare Host, Marc.)

Perfection!

Jeff Summers is a criminal mastermind who is guilty of having the greatest scheme in the history of heists, “Al Capone 2″ pretended to work for Denny’s and cooked a cheeseburger.

Mr. Summers strutted into a Madison, Wisconsin Denny’s and announced that he was the new General Manager sent over from corporate. Nutball was wearing a coat with tie and even carrying a briefcase (full of nonsense,) he certainly looked the part.

After getting into a “nose to nose” shouting match with the REAL manager, Jeff declared his new position was final. The REAL Denny’s boss called corporate and while she was sorting things out, Summers’ brilliant little scheme came to fruition.

Jeff went into the kitchen (briefcase and all,) got himself a soda and went to work making a cheeseburger and fries for himself.

Our freedom fighter was 3/4 of the way through his free scammed meal, when police arrived. But wait, there’s more…

The cops went on to find that he was in possession of a stun gun and two crack pipes. What a party this guy is!

As he was hauled away by the cops, Summers decided to make it lesson-teachin’ time, and addressed the children of the fine establishment. Jeff’s famous parting lesson was: “this is why you don’t dine and dash kiddies!” Sage words, Sir. So true.

I really don’t know where to begin with this exquisite tale of humanity lain before us…

1. I would have pegged him as more of a Shoney’s dude.

With that mane of wild hair, and those rugged bad-boy looks, he doesn’t seem square enough for Denny’s.

Pegged as Square

2. What an elaborate ruse for a cheap cheeseburger. A DENNY’S cheeseburger.

You’d think he would have aimed for the classier and most expensive thing on the menu, steak and eggs. But no, he’s aiming low, something heroes should NEVER do. Jeff went through all of the preparation, from wardrobe selection, to incorporating the use of props (the briefcase.) All his hard work should have been rewarded with a self-cooked steak, rather than a basic burger.

3. Dude has ”Crack Rocks” Big ones.

He went NOSE to NOSE with a woman whose profession is dealing with cracked out fools that are drunk, wheeling in oxygen tanks, or hideous. She’s stonger than steel itself. Crackie was doomed from the get-go. One thing’s for certain, even though he wasn’t successful, hottie’s got stones.

4. He’s class all the way.

Sure, he’s a junkie who pulls crack head stunts like, posing as a member of Denny’s management all for the love of a free cheeseburger that he insisted on cooking himself. But he’s still making sure he educates the youth of America that patronize Denny’s, like a TRUE HERO.

Let his immortal words inspire and teach the masses for generations to come, “this is why you don’t dine and dash kiddies.”

Listen up, kid.

Crib Keeper’s Note: I thought I’d find a clever from the 1970′s jingle for the Chain of diners known as Denny’s. Kind of a fun way to send off this tale of insane insanity. Much to my surprise, I found a bunch of Denny’s drunken fight videos.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve just found my newest favorite genre of internet time-wasting videos! I Dare you not to fall in love with these beautiful sirens!

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