Happy Friday, Enjoy The Cage

Giddy Up.

Did you know that bikers call motor vehicles that aren’t motorcycles, “Cages?”

Well they do. And when you think about it, for people used to being free in the elements, whipping around the roads as they please, it IS a cage for them.

Today, I spend 6+ hours with Angry Baby in “the Cage” aka White Lightning. And while the forecast calls for rain and muck the whole road trip, the forecast in my heart is SUNNY! Why? Because we’re going to the LIBERTY LONGHORN RANCH THIS WEEKEND!!!!

Angry Baby Chillin' at the Ranch last time. (Steve Jobs on Top, Beyoncé on Bottom.)

That’s right, once again we’re packing up the entire contents of our house loading up the grocery getter and going to my favorite place on the planet, the family ranch.

We’re hosting Lover fo’ Life’s boss, his two sons and wife for a weekend of fun, fishing and hog-killin’. Listen up PETA peeps: Wild pigs are a nuisance and bad for the land. It’s not about sport and delicious pork chops, it’s about protecting the environment. I DON’T WANT YOUR HATE MAIL!

But enough about my awesome weekend plans, what about you? Having a “do-over” romantic meal because you threw a drink at your lover on Valentines Day? Organizing the leftover Whataburger Ketchup Packet drawer? Or perhaps you are giving your rabid dog a fleabath? Whatever the plans, you’ll most likely want to squeeze in a viewing of Nicolas Cage’s newest  BLOCKBUSTER(!) Ghost Rider 2: Doin’ it for the Cash! Ghost Rider: The Spirit of Vengeance! It opens this weekend!!! In the movie, Nic is supposedly going to punch Satan.

Of course, I’m kidding. No one is going to go see that shiz, except hardcore comic book geeks and of course, my Father AKA Nicolas Cage’s #1 Fan.

My dad is legitimately excited about the flick. Matter of fact, he watched the original Ghost Rider (again) to prep himself for the TOUR-DE-FORCE performance Cage is going to squeeze out of his buttcheeks give in GHOST RIDER: The Spirit of Vengance. So to those 7 of you reading this that are planning to catch a viewing this weekend, I ask that you say hello to my father for me, he’ll be the only other person in the room with you.

Of course, there’s a slight chance it won’t be my dad you’re saying hello to, in that event: YOU’VE met a new date friend, you’re welcome!

In honor of all the Cages today…

  • The cage Angry Baby will be torturing us in for 6+ hours today aka my mom-mobile.
  • The cube cage you’re stuck in until 5pm (or later.)
  • And Nicolas Cage, the talented thespian who only makes 300 films a month.

I give you TWO Nic Cage Gems of Greatness

The first is a supercut of the 100 BEST Nic Cage quotes of all time. WARNING: It’s Chock-full o’ curse words, AND there’s a brief shot of a skank’s melon.

Those of you able to watch it? I highly recommend it. One thing becomes apparently clear, Nicolas Cage needs to GIVE BACK that Oscar. But again, it’s super naughty language.

And finally, here’s a collection of ALL the Japanese commercials Mr. Cage has graced the world with. All of these are clean, bizarre and further proof that Nicolas Cage is a Cheeseball rolled in nuts. ENJOY!!!!!!

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