Take note: THIS Is How You Do It. AKA Parenting WIN!

Angry Baby is a spirited handful at 16 months. Every once in a while, when I want to pile on the anxiety, I try to imagine what she’ll be like as an adolescent.
If she’s this hard to handle as a little one, what will a fully loaded human with extra snarky sauce and a side of hormones look like in a few years?
Luckily, I’ve got some amazing friends who are blazing the trail in surly teen management. Yesterday, I was reading the nightly Facebook Feed when I read a post from a friend who has an adolescent daughter. An adolescent daughter who has a Facebook account.  Seems homegirl was giving moms too much trouble, and my friend decided to take to her child’s Facebook, she wrote the following on her lippy little one’s Facebook (for all her friends to read.)
Take out a notepad and get something to write with, the following is a lesson in FIRST CLASS, GOLD-STAR, AWESOME PARENTING…

This post is for My Daughter’s friends. This is her mom.
Most of you guys aren’t aware why she seems to have fallen off the face of the earth. I’ll tell you why. Recently, My Daughter has been acting like a jerk, throwing around attitude and being condescending. She got big fat zeros on two test grades in two different subjects.
I’ve told her I didn’t mind if she wanted to dye her hair (when …school is out). I don’t care how many piercings she gets. I told her she could wear whatever she wanted, (Now, this is outside of school, which has the dress code) as long as she didn’t get poor grades and have a poor attitude.

Guess what? She didn’t listen. So now, she’s grounded.

I thought I would be a nice person and inform you that is why she isn’t answering her Facebook. I have full access to her account and have changed the password to prevent her from using it. I’ve also blocked the numbers and text messages of all her cell phone buddies.

Because this is going to be a lengthy process, don’t try to get around it – we are also changing her number. It needs to be localized anyway, and until she gets off groundation, that’s just tough crap and that’s how it’s going to be.

What is her groundation other than that?

She cannot use any computer or watch TV. She must practice her instrument for an hour every day. She is grounded to the living room – she can’t hide out, she has to socialize with her family. She cannot read any of her fantasy books involving vampires, faeries, or magic. She will have a list of things and chores to do everyday.

If you think this is harsh, tough cookie.

I pay for her to have a cell phone. I buy her almost anything she wants, and go out of my way to get the things she wants. I sacrifice the things I need for the things I want. I didn’t get a Christmas present from my husband until Saturday because all of my money went to getting things for my children. I buy them whatever they want in clothes or shoes. I let them paint their rooms wildly and put up whatever they want, as long as it is within their age grouping. I strive to take them to their events, try to be at their events, and take pictures. I try to do everything I can as a home room mom.

So now that you know where she is and what’s happened to her, maybe you can be a good influence as a friend and encourage her to do better. Because that is what the best of friends do – they uplift one another. They cheer each other on. And they also work as being common sense sometimes. So, if you’re a good friend, you won’t be afraid to kick your pal in the rear when they’re doing wrong.

I’ll let you know when she can play again. But for now, you should consider her grounded for life.


– Mom

Wow. Just wow.

This is what we call in the business, “doin’ it right.”

She’s written an elloquent public punishment, that challenged her daughter’s peer group to hold her child to a better standard. In other words, homegirl got OWNED.

Oh sure, thousands of teens are reading this rolling their eyes, listening to Morrissey, throwing me and my wise friend’s words shade…but I ain’t sweatin’ it. I’m going to have my very own in a decade and change from now, might as well practice ticking teens off early!

Update: Because teenagers are rife with horrible judgment, one of the girl’s friends decided to call the mom a “pr*ck” on the Facebooks, aaaand because my friend is not the one who’s gonna go down like that, she responded to the rude dude, via her child’s Facebook, of course.

Here’s her response to being called a “pr*ck”by a teenaged hater:

 “Since your friend Brian called me a pr*ck on your Facebook, I’ve blocked him from your Facebook. You might want to pick and choose your friends better. It’s not very intelligent to openly defy someone’s parents while they’re underage. Especially if you want to stay their friend. If you add him again, we’ll just delete your account.”

Check and mate.

To my friend and incredible parent (Name withheld,) I say, Tip o’ The Stetson to You!

You cyber-spanked the haters with no up for debaters, your words are an inspiration to us all!

Tip o' the Stetson to ya!


Take note: THIS Is How You Do It. AKA Parenting WIN! — 2 Comments

  1. From a group of experiences (not experiments), I can assure you those tactics will not work with Angry Baby in this decade or any other.. The tactics are brilliant but ask your friend how many of her children were Angry Babies. I’m guessing none of them.

    This morning, news organizations were showing up-close pictures of the sun. There were several huge tornados made from fire. That is the situation with which you will live for the next 17 years or so.

    Oh, you had better check to see if your phone number has changed or your Facebook has been disabled.

  2. Words cannot describe the brilliance of this strategy. I think I might just bring a copy of this to every parent-teacher conference and/or night for the rest of my life.

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