One post, two items. Which is disgusting and which is delicious? YOU DECIDE!
First up, Meet Thomas Mills…
Thomas Mills is 74 years young and was booked the other day on prostitution charges in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Seems Pepaw was trying to pass his peen for a profit.
Mills propositioned two undercover police officers by inquiring about the size of their genitals and then asked them to whip out the guns they had in their crotch holsters. He told the officers that he was willing to suck on them like they were Werther’s, for a price.
As if the deal needed any more sweetening, this SMART HO threw in a bonus offer, he had a friend that was willing to join them if the cops agreed to the business proposition. 2 OLD SLUTS for the price of ONE!?
Part of me wants to take my summer vacation in Myrtle Beach. Why? Because I never pass up a sale, especially when it’s precious pepaw pay for peen action (pointless alliteration and it stays.)
The other part of me? It wants to cry.
The stone cold sad fact about this hilarious male prostitute is that he’s obviously hard up (pun and it stays,) for money. Times are tough, and he’s resorted in his older years to the oldest profession. For this Silver Bear, it was most likely, eat men’s wieners or eat cat food. That bums me out.
So instead of focusing on Thomas Mills, spending a night in the jail, happy to have a square meal and dreading telling his grandkids about his impromptu “field trip” to the “Senior Center with bars”…I’ve decided to distract myself with the OTHER half of this post.
The Titanic, Dixie Cup, and Oreos, all of these things debuted in 1912. Fortunately, we still have both the Dixie Cup and the Oreo (Sorry Titanic, but two out of three ain’t bad!)
To commemorate the Oreo Cookie’s 100th Birthday, Nabisco has created a special Oreo that’s hitting grocery store shelves across America over the next week. Say hello to
diabetes Birthday Cake Oreos!!!!!
Yes kiddies, your eyes are NOT deceiving you. They are Oreos with a touch of cake batter and sprinkles mixed in to the white stuff. Essentially, they are “funfetti” Oreos.
I’m dying people. It’s taking everything in my being not to abandon this keyboard MID POST, in search of these babies. But, ever the selfless giver, the loving and GENEROUS soul that I am, I’ll finish out the post for YOU first. You really don’t deserve me!
Everyone knows FUNFETTI is the ONLY cake worth baking. And now they’ve given us the holy union of FUNFETTI AND Oreo White stuff!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I can’t take it, I need to find a bag of these now!
(Crib Keeper drops Mic and leaves mid post in search of Birthday Cake Oreos.)