Post On Request: The 10 Worst Songs of the 90’s

The 90s were dreadful.

Greetings everyone. As you know by now, our little clap-trap hobo parlor of a website has a weekly Caption This contest where the prize is a post written on whatever topic the winner desires. This week, reader Chrispy knocked it out of the park with a Thundercats reference, for the win.

Here is the topic Chrispy gave me to write about:

“I would like a list from you and L4L, a list of the top 10 worst songs of the 90s and why. (Or should I say bottom 10 songs)

Extra points for the youtube link to each one.
 
This is only 1 list voted on by the both of you and fighting over spots on which is worse.”
  

After much discussion and a few skirmishes, L4L and I came up with and agreed upon our list. You’ll find the 10 songs are a sampling of all eras and genres from the decade.

Note: We decided to skip grunge since every big 90’s grunge band now has a dead member…seemed mean to sling hate on their graves.

And always one to accept a challenge, I went ahead and scoured the YouTubes for the GREATEST versions of these dreadful songs. Enjoy the freakshow!

Ladies and Gentlemen…

The TOP 10 WORST SONGS OF THE NINETIES!!!

(According to the Crib Keeper and Lover fo’ Life.)

 

#10 “Do Me” by Bel Biv DeVoe

Name checking Swatch watches in the 90’s? Sooo 80’s.

Work those Eyebrows, Flat top!

 

#9 All 1990’s Club Music

Club MTV = Forever in our hearts.

 

This is the portion of the countdown L4L and I disagreed on. He hates 90’s club music, where I enjoy dancing sarcastically to it. However, we both agree that every dance song produced in the 90’s was pretty much the exact same song.

Let this hottie show you just what I mean, THIS MAN IS AMAZING!!!

#8 “Nookie” by Limp Bizkit

 

He Did it all for the Cookies.

Back in the day, I had an ex-boyfriend who tried to make me jealous by bragging that he was going to a LIMP BIZKIT concert. Spoiler Alert: It didn’t work.

Fun Fact: Now he must live with the horrible truth that he paid money to see Limp Bizkit Live. Happy Valentines Day Y’all!!!!!!

#7  “Mmm” by Crash Test Dummies

Look at the balls on this one.

 

The lead singer of this band has 3 nuts. That’s why he can sing so low. I know you didn’t want to know that, but I’m a fan of sharing random trivial about one-hit wonders that blew.

 

#6  “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” by Kenny Chesney

Humble beginnings

100% True Story: For my 21st birthday a male co-worker and friend of mine snuck into my dorm lobby at midnight to give me a surprise(!) lap dance while my friends cackled on. It was to this very song.

What became of the upstanding friend and stripping gentleman? He’s running for political office.

#5 “My Heart Will Go On”  by Celine Dion

Celine Lion

1998-99 You couldn’t go in public for five minutes without hearing this dump of a song. The faux-Celtic schmaltz mixed with Celine Dion’s scream-singing vocal gymnastics made Muzak look like Beethoven’s 9th.

 

#4 “I Wanna Sex You Up”  by Color Me Badd

Bandz in da 90’s thought misspelling shiz gave you street cred. These dipwads thought adding an extra “d” at the end of “Bad” would somehow distract from the fact the band was supposed to be hunky yet only consisted of:

NO!

A creepy looking Kenny G. Lookalike, Whoopie Goldberg, some annoying White Boy trying to be hard,and a swarthy Latino woman. Yuck.

Look at these rejects, that’s who wanted to SEX US UP!?!?

 

 

 

#3 “Arms Wide Open” by Creed

Sexy dude in the back is the REAL Hero.

 

The douchiest song from the douchiest band of the 90’s, and that is REALLY saying something. I don’t know about you, but the absence of Scott Stapp in the pop cultural landscape of today has made me a better person. Can you believe this crap was actually POPULAR!?!? Yeah you can, because chances are you paid for a Creed CD back in the 90’s. I’ll bet you still listen to it in the car…STOP IT. That shiz is not cute.

 

#2  “Achy Breaky Heart”  by Billy Ray Cyrus

Precious.

Note: This hillbilly’s video was too funny to show a cover of. The funniest part? Snitch got LAID and PAID in the 90’s.

#1 Worst song of the 90’s:  “Macarena” by Los Del Rio

 

There’s really nothing more to say than this…the Macarena is not only an awful song that is so infectious it will never cease to fester in our collective brainmeats, it’s also a horrible dance that will be used to torture our retinas for an eternity. Double Whammy!

And there you have it Chrispy, L4L and my picks for the Top 10 WORST SONGS OF THE 90’s!!!!!!! Hope everyone enjoyed the beautiful videos and this cherished trip down memory lane, may the songs stay stuck in your heads for the remainder of the day!


Comments

Post On Request: The 10 Worst Songs of the 90’s — 7 Comments

  1. You know I love anything to do with the 90s – even sexy tractors & Creed. 🙂 Ok, I could do without the dance music.

    P.S. did you know Matchbox Twenty’s first album is 16 years old this year? WHAT??

  2. @Raye — Not only are you NOT the only person in the world that hated Creed, you are actually in the majority with all people with the sense of hearing. But I must add, Creed’s entered the Michael Bolton realm of selling a ton of records and, yet, no one you know owns one. Something’s amiss …

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