Reader ABAuntie won our latest caption this contest, and as you know by now, the prize for winning is simple: I write a post based solely on a topic she gave me. Upon learning of her win, she messaged me last night with the following:
“How about you expose another of you and L4L’s awesome traditions, McRib Style!?”
Your topic wish is my command, ABAuntie.
Post on Request: The Lucky Turkey Joke Stand Forever
Lover fo’ Life and I engage in a series of running gags, goof-ups and shenanigans. Because I’m a first class jerk and he’s a first class EAGLE Scout, I insist on having various ongoing competitions, both fictitious and real.
Ever the cheating hussy without a conscience, I have no problem flagrantly bending the rules to my command. I always win, usually. There’s one realm I can’t definitively cheat my way to winning, the imaginary. Allow me to explain.
L4L and I have two fictitious, completely non-existent, businesses each. We non-operate fake Steak Delivery establishments BOTH themed around Seventies supergroup the Eagles. We also each own a pre-written joke Emporium.
The fake steak places were born during a long car ride where we had run out of conversation. His is called, Steak it Easy and mine is the clever, Steak it to the Limit.
My never-existed establishment, is BY FAR the more superior of the two, Steak it to the Limit afterall, is the ONLY place where you can get GLENN FREYS!
Oh sure, Steak it Easy will try to ply you with such crappy items as the Don HENley Chicken Sandwich, but it’s all going to give you the runs anyway, so AVOID STEAK it EASY!
You’d think being beat so badly in the erroneous business of steak delivery restaurants built around the theme of 70’s super group the eagles would be enough to shut L4L when it comes to competitive imaginary companies. Sadly, it hasn’t. No, he insisted on taking it to the limit. (crowd groans)
Years ago, I had the idea of creating a made-up, non-existent, convenience store that only sold jokes and humor-related products. Because sometimes pure genius just flashes in your brainmeat
when you’re drunk, the name came to me at once: “The Lucky Turkey Joke Stand!”
The Lucky Turkey Joke Stand has 2 locations, one is wherever I happen to be at the time, the other is a satellite location in, where else? Turkey. Because it is completely a figment of my imagination, there’s nothing for me to show you, but…If you imagine your favorite, seedy gas station, take out all the convenient stuff and fill it with novelty items such as fake vomit along with several in-house brewed jokes, parodies and witticisms, then you’d have a pretty good idea of what I envision.
My staff is non-existent but extensive. I non-employ anyone who has a passion for joke selling and clerking. One more thing, you must be vigilant in fighting off our sneaky competition.
Yes, even in the world of imaginary Haha Emporiums, there’s slimy competitors who will do and say anything to knock the champs outta the #1 spot. The Lucky Turkey Joke Stand has been in business since 2003 and L4L has not believed in/ been JEALOUS of my delusional joke-shilling glory since! The jealousy consumed him and SEVERAL YEARS LATER, he decided to open the inferior
roachcoach tiny shack, called…wait for it, The Charmed Chicken Chortle Hut!
Charmed = Lucky
Chicken in lieu of Turkey
A hut is a small building, just like a stand is.
WHAT A RIPPER-OFFER!
The Charmed Chicken Chortle Hut’s sole purpose is to run down/ bite off every product that leaves my not real doors. L4L will stop at nothing to mock and steal all of my chuckles. Because of this, he and his supporters (none!) have a LIFETIME BAN from both LTJS locations.
The Lucky Turkey joke stand AND Steak it to the Limit, are both superior to L4L’s competing, also-ran, ventures. The sooner that old scamp realizes there’s no money in his sub-par, fake joke and steak delivery shacks, the better.
And just to further complicate things, though mortal imaginary business enemies, we realize the world needs our comedic genius collaborating as well. So occasionally, we’ll collaborate on song parodies, jokes and gags.
I’ll end this completely insane, making no sense post with one last fact about our fake competing joke shops, in the spirit of goodwill, I wrote the Charmed Chicken Chortle Hut’s jingle, a jingle they use to this very day. Would you like to hear it?
Too Bad. You’ll have to wait until I finally get around to doing a grouchy muffin podcast, maybe then, you will hear my SWEET, SWEET voice sing those beautiful lyrics, until then? Use your imagination.