Busted Randy Travis, Busted.

If only fringe jackets provided immunity.

In the wee hours of Monday morning, while most of you were sleeping off the bucket of chicken wings and mountain of corn chips you ingested while watching the Super(?)Bowl, Country singer Randy Travis was arrested.

Celebrities are arrested almost everyday, so while this isn’t BREAKING news in its own right, the conditions that lead him to be arrested were…hilarious.

Police arrested Travis at 1:00am after they found him sitting all alone in his truck, drunk as a skunk outside of a church with an open bottle of wine. Randy’s breath smelled like every suburban trophy wife’s, which is to say…It reeked of WINE. The star was booked on charges of public intoxication and stayed in the slammer for six hours.

DANG, Y'ALL!

Travis has since released a statement apologizing and blaming the incident on Super Bowl Partyin’. ROFL Cowboy, you aren’t fooling anyone with that story.

Poor Randy, he did what so many of us do everyday. I mean, what kind of country do we live in when a multi-millionaire with a long fruitful recording career, is arrested for sitting in his truck chugging’ on Jesus juice?

This precious angel wasn’t doing anything wrong, he was minding his own business, enjoying what I and many other wine soaked trollups call, “a typical evening.” Since when is it illegal to sit in your truck, chug wine and sing Celine Dion songs? Yes, I know the police report doesn’t mention Celine per se, but trust me; one cannot swig mead on a steed without the Canadian songbird providing the soundtrack.

Randy Travis, you were a political prisoner for those short 6 hours you were WRONGFULLY incarcerated. If a celebrity like YOU can’t sit in your vehicle during the middle of the night, in a church parking lot while chugging Merlot straight from the bottle (such class!) well then, NOBODY CAN. (Sorry Cheryl in Accounting!)

Real Talk: By the look on his precious mug in his mug shot, it looks like he’s been having wine nights for a loooong time. Travis’ face is 10 different kinds of busted and his nose looks like a pinata. When I first saw the photo I was like, DANG Pepaw looks ruff! Then I realized it was the face of Randy Travis and I started laughing. Why?

Because my very own Memaw LURVES RT. Matter of fact, every time I would visit her in the summer, the first thing she would do was confiscate my cassette tapes (Beastie Boys, Bon Jovi, Madonna) and remind me that “amoral trash like that had no place in her presence.” The entire time I was in her care, she would let us listen to Randy Travis, matter of fact, ONLY Randy Travis!

Of course, my Memaw is the only person on planet Earth who can sling back Vodka faster and in larger quantities than yours truly, so it all makes sense. Memaw, who is still alive and grooving to Randy’s silky smooth voice, clearly loves to support her own kind.

Please take a moment to watch the clip below of Mr. Travis singing his 1987 hit, “Forever and Ever, Amen.” While you’re watching/listening go ahead & substitute the word “you,” with “BOOZE!!!!!” Just like that, Randy’s 25-year-old hit becomes current and TOPICAL! (Shout out to mustachioed Johnny Cash at the beginning!)

Via (Thanks Jax!)


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