Say there lads and ladies, looking for a ridiculous, gimmicky way to have people standing in line to sniff your buns and or crotchital region? Look no further than the new SCRATCH AND SNIFF JEANS from the company Naked and Famous. You might remember them as the company that introduced: GLOW IN THE DARK jeans last year.
dipwads geniuses at Naked and Famous have truly outdone themselves with their latest jean. The scratch and sniff pants are made with micro capsules that are embedded with perfume. when agitated (scratched) they release the scent of raspberries. I’m not fooling you.
Ok, I know some of you hobos are hi-fiving each other this morning upon reading this because it means one simple thing for you: YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO WASH YOUR JEANS!!!! With these babies all you need to do to knock the smell of stale butt sweat and vomit off of your dungarees is SCRATCH THEM!
True Story, I dated a dude who swore by putting his jeans in the freezer overnight. Know why? He claimed the freezing temperatures killed all odor-causing bacteria and allowed him to go WEEKS without washing certain favored pairs. (Spoiler Alert: I ran like hail once he shared this COOL TIP!) Wherever he is right now, I can assure you he’s saving his panhandling coins for these SCRATCH AND SNIFF wonders!
And for all of my party skanks out there, no doubt you hookers are super jazzed about the prospect of being able to use: “Scratch and Sniff!” as a pickup line. Oh wait, you probably already use that one.
Me? I’ll pass. While, I’d love a garment that would allow me to smell awesome upon a single scratch, it’s the smell I’m not down with. Raspberry smells like pure evil as far as I’m concerned.
See, back in the heady days of the 1990’s, I had a summer job at my local mall’s Bath and Body Works. The store offered (as they still do today) a myriad of delightful scents in moderately priced products. Of the 10 scents we carried at the time, “Sun-Ripened Raspberry,” out sold all the others combined, 4 to 1. It was our #1 Scent NATIONWIDE.
Every teenaged lookee loo and foxy grandma that came through our doors, had to BATHE in our tester bottles of the Sun-Ripened Raspberry Body Splash. Believe me when I say this, the entire store smelled like someone murdered a metric ton of raspberries and then crammed them up all the way through your sinus cavity.
For hours I had to inhale those TOXIC fumes and smile as person after person confided in me that “Oooh this is just the greatest scent!”
Guess what sluts? It wasn’t “the greatest scent.” It smelled like a birthday cake sh*t out a pile of raspberries that was then in turn, marinated in a gallon of cat pee.
To this very day, every time I get a whiff of raspberry be it in scent or in a delightful dessert, it takes me back. It’s for this very scarring reason that I will NOT be telling everyone to scratch and sniff on my hamhocks, even though these jeans just might be the gateway to endless fart pranks.
Everyone else? I’m sure you’re clamoring for these babies, and while I loathe the scent, I do support the MIRACULOUS discovery. I’m all for SCRATCH AND SNIFF ITEMS, have been since I was an AVID sticker collector in my youth!
Oh and just incase you’re wondering? After 5 washes the jeans have still maintained their scent. So you CAN wash them. Even though the dirty tramps buying these “HAY SNIFF MY BUSINESS!” pants, most likely will never wash them.