Lazy or Life Changing: You Decide!

American Craftsman and Inventor, Ben Heck

Today is either the greatest day of your natural life, or it’s the day when you permanently throw the peace sign at humanity.

Youtuber and inventor, Ben Heck has created a piece of technology that is a TRUE MARVEL OF MODERN SCIENCE! Ben invented a HOT POCKET DISPENSER that fits on your game controller!

Yes, you read that correctly! The problem that has plagued every gamer since the Atari, the eternal question of “Should I eat or should I continue to play my video game?” has finally been answered with a resounding: “BOTH!!!!!!!”

No longer will gamers risk the evolutionary cycle wiping them out, for they now have a way to NOURISH THEMSELVES WITH HOTPOCKETS.

(Resisting the urge to Photoshop in a Dong.)

You have to see the new-fangled MIRACLE(!) in action! Here’s a long-azzed vid explaining the concept and how to do it ( I just skipped around to the good parts.)

Ben,  on behalf of all Mario Kart enthusiasts (every version except the crappy Wii version,) THANK YOU! Sure, I’ll still probably eat it a million times on Rainbow Road, but I’ll be EATING it (hot pockets) while I do it!

The Bane of the Crib Keeper's Mario Kart existence.

Ben, while I’m pretty sure you’ve never felt the loving touch of a human woman, I would gladly kiss you on the fleshy, pepperoni grease-smeared lips if you were here right now. You’ve made the single greatest invention in the lazy fools hall of fame, and I’ll be forever grateful.

To all you haters, I haven’t forgotten you. Yes, this might be further proof that our society is slowly morphing into the one shown in the Pixar Film, Wall-E or perhaps the crappy movie (with an awesome premise,) Idiocracy. Let this be the final nail in your “I’m over you morons” coffin.

Me? I choose to applaud and exalt a man who decided to channel all that untapped sexual energy into creating a MIRACLE. No longer will your burnout cousin Kenny (game handle: Goria of Tantara) make you spoon feed him chocolate pudding while he attempts to slay Ancient Dragon Kings and Spiders. YOU’RE FREE!

Only in America can a pocket filled with chemicals cheese(?) get its own special device so it can be eaten simultaneously while you play a video game. USAUSAUSA!!!!!!!

Ben, you are an AMERICAN HERO…the GREATEST American Hero!


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