All Aboard!

Yesterday, despite the CRUSHING protest many of us took place in there were SEVERAL items just itching for me to crack wise about, seeing as no one likes to live in the past, I’ll just do a QUICK run through…

Marky Mark Wahlberg told some reporter from Men’s Journal he would have stopped the 9/11 terrorists, landed the plane and also added that he doesn’t masturbate. He’s since apologized about the 9/11 remarks.

I’m not going to say he’s crazy nor will I add Mark is no longer FUNky, but I will say this…look how much happier he looked back when he was grabbing his crotch!

All smiles.

C'Mon C'Mon! Feel it, Feel it!

And Now?

Biter, no-fun, delusional, old queen.

He needs to get "Funky" with his "Bunch."

I think it’s safe to say, fool needs to reconsider touching his privates.

Next up…

George Lucas is RETIRING! Hallelujah! He will no longer be free to terrorize his past genius by ruining it with his current idiotry. If he’s retired that means one VERY GLORIOUS THING…

No more Indiana Jones SEQUELS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Real Talk: I eye-rolled through the entire Indiana Jones and the Crystal Pepsi Skull, I couldn’t wait for that shiz to be over. No need to waterboard me, in the event you need to TORTURE information out of yours truly, all you have to do is pop the blue ray of that turd in! I’LL SING LIKE A CANARY!

Never Again!

Last and most important, there’s a NEW revolution You’ve just got to get behind…THE SHOWER DRINKING REVOLUTION! Say hello to the TUB MUG!!!!!!

GIMMIE GIMMIE!!!

Frat boys, guttersluts, skanks and drunkards rejoice!

Thanks to patented SUCTION CUP technology, you now have a place to secure a large plastic mug in your shower filled with whatever you please!

For $9.99 you can be part of something! Join with the other boozehounds and morning coffee enthusiasts out there with a safe and completely needed invention!

Look, I have a confession to make, thanks to the generous tile ledge in my shower, I’ve been shower drinking for years! The trick is to use beverages in cans. Beer, canned wine, and sodas have ALL successfully been enjoyed while I shower. (Just kidding, I don’t shower!)

As you can see, thanks to Marky Mark Wahlberg’s lunk-headed 9/11 comments, Lucas FINALLY quitting this snitch and Shower Drinking, yesterday was a tough day to stay quiet. But don’t worry, I’m BACK and ready to help YOU waste all that time while you should be working!

Shout out to Elton’s hair in the video…BREATHTAKING!

Sources: Huffpo, uproxx, foodbeast and TDW Geeks