Reader Tori won our latest Caption This contest, as with all cycles of the contest, the prize is simple…she was allowed to request ANY topic that I would write about in a prize Post on Request. This morning, she wrote me the following…
“Topic of choice? How about Best Rap Music For Babies? Personally, I like to ensure my kid is 100% gangster by the time he enters school :)”
Never one to disappoint my readers, I’ve obliged and now present to you a
BABY RAP PRIMER!!
Street Cred. We all want it, but what about innocent,
never done anything hardcore, lazy little babies? Between learning to control their bodies and communicating with the world, they have their hands full. So, I’ve decided to take the guesswork out of navigating the waters of Rap and Hip-Hop culture, and I’ve compiled a list of essential Rap Tracks your baby needs to be the illest and chillest.
Tupac Shakur, “All Eyes on Me”
Because let’s face it, all eyes ARE on baby!
RIP Tupac (and for all of you conspiracy theorists, TUPAC LIVES! )
Old Dirty Bastard, “Shimmy Shimmy Ya”
Because babies like it raaaaw! (it doesn’t get any raw-er than sh*ting yourself at least once a day.)
Babies are bossy and must learn it is YOU that are the boss. Either way, this is an essential track.
Ice Cube, “Back into it”
Take Away: to succeed in life all you have to do is “put your back into it,” aka work hard
and wiggle your hiney the skankiest at the club.
Snoop Doggy Dog, “Dogg eat Dogg World”
Fun Fact: This is my all-time favorite Snoop track, and the video!? PEFECTION!!!
RIP Fred Barry (AKA Rerun from What’s Happening!)
The Beastie Boys, “Body Movin'”
Honestly, these 3 MCs and 1 DJ should be a STAPLE in your baby’s steady rap diet. BABY NEEDS TO KNOW THE WHOLE CATALOG! <—no exceptions.
D4L “Laffy Taffy”
Something tells me they aren’t talking about the classic children’s candy…
The fools won’t let me embed so you’ll have to watch it here.
(Side Note: I love the Rap Video Hos in this one. These skanks really think they’ve made the BIG TIME!)
Run DMC, “Tricky”
Take Away: Life is tough, but you can persevere!
RIP Jam Master Jay
Shout out to Penn’s frizzy pouf bangs.
And it wouldn’t be any ESSENTIAL RAP list, without the greatest. The man to whom every one of our TUES-the-EXTREME days are dedicated to…our Patron Saint, Vanilla Ice! He had a little ditty back in the day with BABY in the title! Ladies and gentlemen if your child only learns ONE lyrically inappropriate song before they leave for kindergarten, this NEEDS to be it.
Vanilla Ice, “Ice Ice Baby”
And there you have it, all you need to get your little baby b-boy or b-girl GANGSTA LEANING in the right direction! Everyone without a kid? Just say thank you for the SWEET Tues-the-Extreme soundtrack I just laid before you, enjoy!!!!!