The Beyonce Horse Fly (The Jokes write themselves.)

 

She has everything but a reputable wig shop.

Entomologist. Is there any job more thankless? Brilliant scientists scour the globe studying that which many brush off as creepy and or insignificant. A scientific curiosity for insects drives these great minds to procure, study and acquaint themselves with as many specimen as they can find. Side Story: I had a kick-azz Entomology professor in College, he would let his pet Black Widow spider crawl on him during class, in a word, it was adorable.

Well, while you jerks were thumbing your noses at the good people of the Entomology world, they were working on REAL SCIENCE!!!

Meet the Scaptia (Plinthina) horse fly. Discovered in 1981, the fly has gone unnamed for decades.

For years, Science struggled (not really,) to find the perfect name for the horse fly with a large, GOLDEN backside! Until now.

Maybe it’s because she just scream-sang out a kid and the world is acting a fool over it, but Researcher Bryan Lessard of CSIRO’s Australian National Insect Collection has announced the horse fly now has a name…Scaptia (Plinthina) beyoncae

Mr. Lessard, (obviously high from insect mounting glue,) said he came to the conclusion quite easily…

“It was the unique dense golden hairs on the fly’s abdomen that led me to name this fly in honour of the performer Beyoncé as well as giving me the chance to demonstrate the fun side of taxonomy – the naming of species.”

Lessard says that the Scaptia (Plinthina) beyoncae is the “all time diva of flies.”

Um… Is he calling the Fly a b*tch? Because in my world Divas can be only Drag Queens and or B*tches, two things I adore.

I just can’t with this crap. Beyowulf has everything, and now she has a horse fly with a golden, plump, rump named after her. SHE GETS ALL THE FUN STUFF! NO FAIR!

Being as our fine little website is now considered a legitimate news outlet I’m not going to let my jealousy show, I won’t mention things such as…

  • A horse fly is considered a nuisance by 99% of the people out there. Horse flies bite, buzz, and all fly over places they have no business being. The best thing a horse fly ever did was get caught in some chopsticks by Mr. Miyagi.

Gurl please!

  • Is this really what science is busy with? Naming flies after turds entitled celebrities? Let I remind these people the MEGALODON IS out there, waiting to be discovered NOT EXTINCT!<— GET TO WORK, SCIENCE!
  • What they really should have done was name a species of horse HAIR wig after her. (Crib Keeper’s favorite joke.)

And I’m done. See? Taking the classy, non-mean, high road is so much more gratifying!

Repeat after me: “Beyonce Fly’s got a big ol’ hairy, GOLDEN butt OH-YEAH! ”

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