You wish THIS were your name.

When you woke up this morning, I’ll bet you didn’t know today was going to be the day you were introduced to the BEST NAME EVER.

Meet Jeffrey Drew Wilschke…

Well, his name WAS Jeffrey Drew Wilschke…Until October, when he LEGALLY changed it to, brace yourselves for this…

Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop

Greatest Name ever, right? Let me guess, you want to punch your signature in the ink blots for lacking in such joie de vivre!

Anymonkiers, he was arrested for allegedly smoking weed in a public park, among other things. As he was being carted off to Jail, he told the cops he would get “even with them.”

Look, I hate to disrespect the fine officers of Madison Wisconsin, but I could have told you this dude had weed on him. What tipped me off? No, not because he looks like Brad Pitt in True Romance.

Not Hot.

I knew he had weed when I found out his name was Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop. BINGO. He might as well have changed his name to “Cheef Big Bong.”

So hats off to you, crazy stoner naming visionary, Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop by choosing the ultimate name, you sadly, sealed your fate. I’d make “Free Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop,” but inmates  in the “big house,” asking him what his name is, Laughingly outweighs potential freedom for Beezow.

Future Parents, you’re welcome. Only in America. USA USA USA!!!

Here’s his Facbook Page, for those of you looking to get a deeper look inside the mind of this burnout stoner naming genius. (Who knew there was a Farmville for weed!?)


You wish THIS were your name. — 6 Comments

  1. I am hoping he walks around sporting a handmade cape reading BEEZOW! (with sequin lightning bolts) and incorporating phrases like POW! BAM! in conversation. What a stud 🙂

  2. Aaaaaah!!! I had my students read that article for the five Ws and the H and news values today! Instant new zinger for someone making an idiot of theirself in class: “Ok, Beezow.” As uttered by one of my favorite side-eye casting pupils.

  3. I’d have changed it to Skippity BeeBop a Squeedley Dee. At least he could’ve gone by “skip.”
    Even I say he needs to cut back on the greens, and I NEVER say that!


  4. Pingback: Extreme LOLZ: The Worst Names Ever | grouchymuffin

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