Extreme Overkill aka Cheryl: My New Hero

5 days overdue'll get ya 10.

You know what I am? I’m a budding super villain at heart. Chances are if you slip on a banana peel, I’ll be laughing while I offer you my hand. I enjoy yelling at the neighbor kids and I think nothing of terrifying innocents. In other words, I’m not a very nice person. And today, this fine TUES-the-Extreme day, I have a NEW Heroine to emulate.

Meet Cheryl Hansen

Hero.

Cheryl is a sassy and business savvy Library director who in addition to grooving to Kenny G. and Harrison Ford Films, loves to crush the dreams of children.

Cheryl was tired of the DEADBEATS in her small shire and after months of ignored missing library collection notices, she called the cops.

The cops started banging on houses and politely asking for the missing Library Books. One of the “perps” was a 5-year-old named Hailey Benoit…the rest is history Supreme Evil.

Cheryl stands by her decision and basically told the world to build a bridge and GET OVER IT.

Even the Police Officer is throwing shade at Cheryl, but me? I can’t hate. For would-be villains, she is an example to live by. My only regret is that this didn’t happen a month ago, you know why? Instead of toasting Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas Eve, I would have written a poem for this broad.

A cold-hearted, sassy librarian who believes kindergarteners, ne’er do wells and the like deserve to be shaken down by the cops and judicial system, all for the unforgivable crime of misplacing a well-worn Eric Carle book or two. EXTREME FORCE!

She’s simply perfection. Ms. Hansen needs to retire from the small time world of the Charlton Library System, and take up kitten punching and/or puppy torture, you know homegirl has to have a natural talent for both. I’m fighting the urge to pen her a sitcom treatment for the Adult Swim network, she’s just too nefarious and perfect to ignore.

A Toast to Cheryl (toasting with children’s tears, of course!) You really are a TRUE inspiration to this scumbag.

I know what you’re thinking, move Cheryl to Jersey, and she’d have the mob threaten kid’s kneecaps for books..such a stone cold fox and gangster. Oh, to be that evil. Sigh…someday! (Crib Keeper swoons.)  

Via


Comments

Extreme Overkill aka Cheryl: My New Hero — 2 Comments

  1. Aren’t the kids in this tale really the Super Villians you should be supporting? Fellow Mischief Makers? Seems you are supporting THE MAN! Rather SuperHERO-esque, don’t ya think?

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