See You Next Year

Funny because it's true.

One of my favorite things is telling people, “See you next year,” at New Year’s.

I love it.

Had a gynecologist’s appointment earlier in the week (shout out to Dr. Jinx) and as I hi-fived him on my way out, I said: “See you next year.”

“(Crib Keeper’s Actual Name), I really can’t believe you just busted that out. I haven’t had someone say that to me since 5th grade.”

“Obviously, you’re hanging out with the wrong people, Doctor.”

New Year’s Eve aka Today, is like Christmas for booze lovers and trashy hookers. People all over the world drink to an excess, carry on like braying jackasses and top off the night’s festivities by making out with some random fool having a “new years kiss,” at midnight.

It should come as no surprise to you that today is a personally significant day for me. It’s not because I’m a gin-soaked slag who looks for any excuse to chug a lug, and grind on strangers…while all that is true, today is significant for one reason.

It’s my official start date with Lover fo’ Life.

Ten years ago today, Friend fo’ Life and I met up at a Barnes and Noble that I thought was equidistant from our respective parent’s houses, come to find out it was a 20-minute drive for me and an hour drive for him, whoops, my bad.

If you can’t tell by reading my nonsensical blog, I’m not a terribly sentimental person. To put it in simple terms, chick flicks are lost on me. Traditional “romantic gestures” when aimed at my heart, illicit a cringe.

Anybusiness meetings, I entered our arranged meet-up armed with a list of no less than 40 qualities in my “perfect partner,” yeah, I obviously had no concept of romantic love prior to this Barnes and Noble interlude.

We greeted each other and made our way to the comfy chairs, I sat down and began telling him what I needed to say…

“Look, we’ve been friends for years, and I’m not interested in screwing that up. Let’s say we give this a whirl and it fails miserably?”

“It won’t.” He quietly replied.

“Well, if it does, I need reassurances that we’ll remain friends no matter what.”

“Done.”

Right there could have been the end of the story, and while non-romantic and mildly clinical, it would have been a sufficiently bizarre beginning to our life-long obsession with each other. Sadly, it’s not the end.

I then proceeded to read off my stupid demands line by line. Each required quality was met with a thoughtful response from Friend fo’ Life. We began negotiating, I crossed off qualities that now looked foolish in the fluorescent lighting of the Barnes and Noble and made notations on those he was willing to meet and or already met. When I reached the end of my asinine list, I was met with his eyes, he replied “So, then it’s agreed. We’ll go ahead and give it a go.”

“Absolutely, let’s shake on it.” (Yes, we sealed our new status as a romantic couple with a handshake.)

And like that, I scored the biggest win of my life.

Clearly, I’m an idiot who never deserved L4L’s patience, unconditional love and never-ending friendship. Honestly, who schedules a potential relationship meeting and takes an itemized “ideal romantic quality list” into said meeting!?

This dipwad, that’s who.

I’ll just go ahead and blame Sex and the City for my list-writing entitlement, you remember that old television show? It was very popular 10 years ago. What’s that you say? It never went away? Women are still having “Sex and the City Nights” aka stuffing their sausage feet into Manolo Blahniks and swigging Cosmos? Surely you’re kidding.

As I look back on the wild success our friendship/relationship/marriage has been, I’m reminded of the old saying, “Time flies when you’re having fun.”

And while fun is an understatement, the decade has flown. It feels like just yesterday that we were saying goodbye in the Barnes and Noble parking lot on New Year’s Eve, newly minted boy and girlfriend.

“See you next year.” I exclaimed.

“Not if I see you first.” He chuckled.

And whatever became of that list? My “MUST HAVES TO GET WITH THIS list?” I threw the stupid thing out the minute I got home. You can’t limit perfection to lists.

And now you know. Not that you really cared.

Afterall, it’s  NEW YEAR’S EVE!

You’ve got cleaning/babywrangling/drinking/fireworks/ and shopping to do. So quit lazing about and GET TO IT! There’s only one New Year’s Eve every year, and today is it.

Have a safe, happy and outrageous New Year’s Eve. And those of you who have to work tonight? Slip a flask into your lunch pail, and tell them I said it was ok.

Love,

The Crib Keeper

Oh yeah, and…

SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!


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