America’s Drunkest Cities Alternate title: There’s no place like home!

Nothing But the Classiest for these Cities!

Being as it’s the end of the year, the world is rife with lists and party planning. It only makes sense that someone would combine the two.

The Daily Beast has released their 2nd annual “America’s Drunkest Cities” List!  I’m sure several of you are rolling your eyes muttering, “WHO CARES about the drunks!?” well, I do. Matter of fact, being a Texan I will kindly point out that my great state has not one, but 3 cities on the list.

Before I give you the “goods,” aka the list of cities most of you skanks will want to flock to,  allow the Daily Beast to explain how the data was gathered…

The Daily Beast first analyzed data from Experian Simmons, a leading market-research firm, which provided data on the average number of alcoholic drinks per month the residents of more than 200 cities across the country reported to have consumed in a survey from earlier this year. As well, we considered the percent of the population that are either binge drinkers or heavy drinkers for each metro area, according to the most recent data available from the Centers for Disease Control. The average number of drinks was given twice the weight of the heavy- and binge-drinking population for the final rank.

Basically, these are the cities that had the most honest drunks, as a majority of the information was provided by survey. Explains why lie-telling cities like New York and New Orleans aren’t on the list.

Without further adieu I present to you: AMERICA’S 25 Drunkest Cities!!!!!

The Daily Beast’s Drunkest US Cities of 2011

1. Boston

2. Springfield, Massachusetts

3. Milwaukee

4. Reno, Nevada

5. San Antonio

6. Chicago

7. Austin, Texas

8. St. Louis

9. San Diego

10. Tucson, Arizona

11. Burlington, Vermont

12. Charleston, South Carolina

13. Denver

14. Las Vegas

15. Ft. Meyers, Florida

16. Buffalo, New York

17. Sioux Falls, South Dakota

18. Lincoln, Nebraska

19. Seattle

20. Bismarck, North Dakota

21. Providence

22. San Francisco

23. Cleveland

24. Norfolk, Virginia

25. Houston

Note: to all hotmesses, drunks, skanks, dock skanks, kathie lee gifford enthusiasts, booze hounds, grouchymuffin readers, drunk uncles, good time gals and fancy dance club boys: Start hitting up the want ads and pricing U-Hauls to these dream destinations!
PS: Those tramps in New York and Orleans are some lying, trifling, booze-hiding snitches. I enjoy vacationing in BOTH cities, and have witnessed more of my kind (aka trashy hookers who reek of Riunite) in those two places than ANY of the cities I’ve visited on the actual list.
But it’s all good, I ain’t mad at ya NYC and NOLA…not everyone likes to fly their freak flag high. You don’t have to be loud as long as you’re proud.



America’s Drunkest Cities Alternate title: There’s no place like home! — 1 Comment

  1. Tee hee hee. I’ve lived in two of those cities. There’s nothing else to do in Lincoln, Nebraska, though. That city is full of liars. It should be right up there with Boston.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *