Extreme Ear Bleed

WHY IS THIS A REAL THING!?!?!?

My baby bro decided to clue me in on a tangential niche in country music he simply refered to as “Country Rap,” I thought he was kidding and accused him of pulling a ruse.

Sweet Kathie Lee Gifford, Why did I have to blurt out: “NO WAY, you’re obviously making that up.” I should have just nodded my head and acted like I knew the “bulls*it” he was referencing, but blurt, I did. Ever the younger sibling, he had to play me an example just to prove it.

I really can’t believe this shiz, “Hick-Hop” is real, has been, and is continuing to thrive. Whisky Tango Foxtrot!?

You know what? I’m sorry to do this to YAWL but I have to share my new discovery with the internets. See, I want the world to suffer with me.

I’m sure some of you reading this are fans of these songs so let me address the”Hick-Hop” fans directly…

Look, I have several Celine Dion Compact Discs in my purchase history, so I obviously know nothing about musical taste. I’m telling you now: save your typing energy and anger for another time. My soul is quivering at the mere thought of having to read your arguments defending this aural fecal matter. Just enjoy the following clips, do your sexy honky-tonk moves in your office, and move along.

Everyone else, you’re in for an education in EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING MUSIC! I present HICK-HOP THROUGH THE YEARS:

In 1987 the Bellamy Brothers released The very FIRST country rap, aptly titled, “Country Rap.”

And then this fool, decided to come up with “Hillbilly Rap…” Those who make it to the 2:44 mark, you get treated to the Sugar Hill Gang being murdered. Neal McCoy, you disgust me.

Next up was Toby Keith’s ode to the late 1990’s fashion and slang. Shout out to his old hairline and video homegirl’s oatmeal colored lipstick!

Which brings us to this travesty of Popular culture, Colt Ford.

Oh Lerd.

My brother introduced me to this fat clown precious treasure last week. At first I thought he was the missing link on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, but alas! He’s fo’ fakes reals.

May his rap stylings and musical seizures haunt you for the rest of the day. I’ll bet you don’t have the CHOPS to sit through this whole stupid clip. Prove me wrong, people.

 Happy Tues-the-Extreme Day, my beautiful babies! Sure, it’s started out with this shiz, but there’s only one way today can go from here and that’s up!


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