They're not all winners, folks.

With a name like L4L, it should come as no surprise that the winner of this past round of Caption This, was none other than Lover fo’ Life. Because he knows me inside and out, the Post on Request topic he gave me was about another great love of mine, candy.

Here was our winner’s actual request:

“Christmas candy through the years: hits, misses and new classics.”

Happy to oblige, kind sir, ladies and gentlemen I give you:

Christmas Candy

Years and years and years ago, they hadn’t invented the words delicious or fun. Ironically, these dark times are often referred to as the “Good Old Days,”

I’m here to tell you that candy wise, we are living in the golden (caramel) age of confections. Oh Sure, the world is on the brink of imploding, and everyone these days is a black-hearted cynic…but in the realm of Christmas Candy…these are the days.

Back in the taste bud murdering days of yore, “Christmas Candy,” meant one thing…dried fruit. That’s right, dried f*cking fruit.

Please Sir, can I have NO more?

Can you picture Tiny Tim, breaking into song over Scrooge filling his stocking with prunes, raisins and dried apricots? Well you’d better, because that’s all those little filthy urchins got for candy.

Several decades later, hard candy became the craze. Spun sugar pulled into tasteless ribbons and brightly colored, clove flavored, atrocities. Not only does this hard old-fashioned candy taste wretched, it excoriates the inside of every mouth it gets a hold of.

Gross-O-Modo

The Truth: Every Memaw in America still lurves this shiz. I learned at a very young age: when Nana offers you a piece of candy, run.

Thankfully, there were other people who agreed clove was a pretty disgusting flavor and the CANDY CANE (!) Infused with its peppermint goodness, emerged as a holiday staple. I’m officially stating the Candy Cane is a HIT!

Hate on the cane = Insane

Why? Because they are delicious, and thanks to novelty varieties, all you snitches that are crazy hate on peppermint can find a novelty flavor you’d like instead. From Cherry Cola-to Egg nog, everyone CANE enjoy candy canes! (Crowd groans)

Yep, these exist.

Side Tangent for all of my chosen people who are kvetching that I’m excluding the storied treasures of delicious known as Hanukkah gelts…

Hanukkah gelts are delicious chocolate coins. Choco+ Money= Definitely a HOLIDAY HIT!

And now back to the Christmas Candy…

In modern times, aka the 70′s -Present, we’ve seen the full realization and commercialism of Christmas, which translates to excellent Christmas candy for all. No house is completely stocked for the holidays without a bowl of red and green M&M’s or Hershey’s holiday kisses. HOORAY PROGRESS!

You know want this.

As for new classics? Gotta go with 2, one well-loved, and the other polarizing.

1. Terry’s Chocolate Orange: OK, technically these babies were invented in the 1930′s, but I didn’t gobble my first “Terry’s” until the late nineties (getyourmindoutofthegutter.) So it’s a “new to me” classic. For my house, they are a staple, just as important as the chocolate coins!

2. Christmas “Peeps”

I’m a Peeps peep from way back, matter of fact, my earliest candy memory was nom-noming on a bag of peeps…I ate only the heads back then. I was much like a pint-sized carnival geek. However, instead of being covered in the blood of once live chickens, I was smeared with marshmallow goo and granulated sugar of headless peeps. I’ve always been a little off.

Peeps are no longer just for Easter baskets, peeps are available for ALL OF THE HOLIDAYS! Some Peep purists find it preposterous (pointless alliteration and it stays) to have the once springtime treat, available practically year round, I love it. multi-seasonal peeps rule.

So, there you have it L4L, winner of Caption this, your very own PRIZE POST ON REQUEST.

What about YOU dear reader!? What are your favorite/hated Christmas/Holiday candies? I’ve saved plenty of room for your choices!!!!