If I could give you only one present…

B*tch Please.

Let me be the first to wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving Monday! This week I’ll be packing it up and writing from the family ranch, 5 hours north of Angry Baby Manor (Texas is a big state, Y’ALL!.)

But not today. Today I’m still kicking around my usual stompin’ grounds. Matter of fact, the Rooster aka my best gurl is spending the day with us. We’re keeping our plans open, but one thing is for sure, we’re doing some Holiday shopping.

Speaking of, I just heard about the GREATEST DOLL in the world. A babydoll that embodies the true spirit and class of our readers. Matter of fact, I’m making it the OFFICIAL TOY of WWW.GROUCHYMUFFIN.COM!

Meet the “You & Me Interactive Play & Giggle Triplet Dolls”

These cute kiddos are your standard novelty doll aimed right at parents’ coin purses this Holiday. Or are they?

The three dolls interact, giggle and play with each other, and one of the dolls in particular has some nitwits in a real lather. Why? Because some people think if you listen closely the doll says “You crazy b*tch!” Take a listen for yourself…(shout out to the lazy-eyed reporter.)

Obviously this is the doll skanks like you and I have been waiting for! I’m already picturing uses for this trash-talking plastic tot.

Real Talk: An inanimate object that blankly stares and repeatedly shouts “you crazy b*tch,” at me is pretty much what I look for in a party buddy.

In the interest of full disclosure, In college a friend and I would get stinking drunk together at frat parties and sit on a couch. For the remainder of the party we’d talk trash about everything (including the weather.) We were so entertaining (to ourselves) that we named our little ritual, “Two B*tches on a Couch.” I’m getting off topic here…

This doll has what it takes! A little foul-mouthed baby who is meant to be played with by foul-mouthed little girls? THIS IS THE ROLE MODEL DOLL future skanks have been waiting for!!!

The “You Crazy B*tch doll,” is now here to tell future messes, the stuff they are doing is not cute. Each time they have crazy ideas of doing crazy, homegirl will be there to tell them like it is: “You crazy B*tch.”

Imagine if WE had this doll growing up!

Maybe I would have taken up crocheting rather than drunk dialing veterinarians and flashing sailors at the docks? Who can say where the fates would have taken me with this little plush naysayer under my arm? One thing’s for certain, this doll would have been there every step with a chiding, “YOU CRAZY, B*TCH!”

As of post time, the doll is still for sale at Toys R Us.  (get it before all the other snarksters snatch it up!)

The real travesty of this whole story, is simple:

Fools with nothing better to do listened to this toy over and over and took the time to not only decipher the garble, but get outraged about it.

This is ridiculous! I’ll tell you what the doll is saying:

“My owner’s mom needs to stop drinking wine at breakfast.”

I’m sorry parents in an uproar, even if the stupid doll WAS saying “You crazy b*tch,” I couldn’t hate.

This babydoll keeps it real and isn’t afraid to let you have it. I love this lil’ crazy b*tch!


If I could give you only one present… — 1 Comment

  1. I guess you could hear it…maybe…? I think this uppity c-word just needs to get over it. Maybe if her mind was not so tainted she would not assume an innocent childrens toy was cussing her out? I mean its not like they are selling this thing at Spencer’s with the cussing parrot. This is no different than people saying they see all these perverted things in Disney movies. Its the “critic’s” mind thats warped, NOT the thing they are over analyzing. Its sad the things people will do for attention.

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