Classy Folks Take Note: This is How You Do It

Some birds are meant to be caged.

If you are looking for the world’s most glamorous and refined creature, you need not look any further.

I’ve found her.

It was like any other Tuesday at the local Hattiesburg, Mississippi McDonald’s when all of a sudden, a car fireworks erupted…

A female customer was in the drive thru, about to get between the seedy hot buns of a Big Mac, when her ride began smoking. The drive thru dude gave her a heads up about the smoke and informed her “the car might be on fire.”  What did this treasure do? Why, what any of us would do…she went and parked her smoking car, and immediately went back to the drive-thru window to retrieve her food. The car burst into flames.

My new idol then decided to cop a squat and eat her food while she waited for emergency crews to arrive. In the face of danger, heartache, loss and flames, SHE KEPT EATING.

I could stop this post right now, and we’d spend the next millenia attempting to hone the type of breeding and class this gentlewoman has already shown us…but there’s more.

Once the burned out car was cleared of all flames and the firemen were finishing up their accident report, our unnamed heroine, decided she wasn’t going to cooperate anymore, removed her licence plate from the charred chassis and attempted to peace out of the scene.

The jealous haters cops were called and this refined example of womanhood kept handing out etiquette lessons. Her Royal Highness, Queen Class punched one of the police officers.

Because this world is not yet equipped to handle such an exquisite and elegant creature, they arrested her and placed our “nightingale of acting right” in a cage. Jail to be exact.

They haven’t released her name or photo yet, (please for the love of HAMBURGLAR, do so!) but it’s safe to say, we’re all in love with this mystery lady.

Going to jail after you punched a cop who was there because your car burst into flames at a Micky D’s while you chomped on a big mac and watched it burn is pretty much the greatest reason to go into the slammer. Some things are worth fighting for.

I’m shedding tears of diamonds, she’s so inspiring!!!!!!!


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