Angry Baby has not been well since Saturday. It started as any normal day, she graced our home with her usual 5:30am screaming baby alarm clock, that we’ve come to
dread cherish…yes, on a Saturday. Angry Baby has no use for opressing measurements such as days of the week, time, and proper weekend decorum.
She was her normal self, meaning she was furious, giggling, growling, and getting into everything simultaneously. As I made her breakfast, she let out a high-pitched whine that I had only heard once before, when she spiked a 103+ with her first ear infection back in June.
Yeah, I know you could give a flip about the specifics, I promise I’ll get to the ANGRY BABY REIGN OF TERROR soon, just need to get some minor details first.
As I was saying, I immediately noticed the cry and swooped her up, took her to the “Cryatorium” aka her room and swiped the fancy temporal thermometer
aka piece of monkey shiz across her thrashing head. It read normal all three times I scanned. We went about our Saturday. Angry Baby was happy, playful and busy, oh! those busy little fingers.
There’s another thing you need to know about Angry Baby, she doesn’t do cuddling. She’s a very “don’t touch me fools!” kinda baby. We play, wrestle and dance, but nary a snuggle will escape. It’s just the way she rolls.
While we were playing she crawled into my lap. “Uh oh,” my Mom Genes told me. “She’s wanting to snuggle, this baby is getting sick.” Of course, AB immediately decided pointing and growling at El Rey was more appealing than snuggling, so she quit me. An hour later, when her pops was picking her up he said: “she feels warm.”
Within 2 minutes, we had her restrained and the proud owner of a rectal temperature check. It took an entire minute for the temperature to stop rising. During that very tense HOT minute, Lover fo Life and I
frantically calmly discussed what needed to be done. As the numbers ticked by on the tiny digital screen we listed all we knew about dealing with incredibly high fevers. “Cool bath, force fluids, alternate acetaminophen and ibuprofen, compresses and then wait for it to come down.” I stared into that horrific screen and as it effortlessly passed 104, I screamed “If she hits 105 we’re going Texas Children’s Hospital!” Suddenly, the thermometer erupted in a warning beep that almost matched my panic levels, the final temperature had been reached.
Angry Baby had a whopping 104.8 fever.
104.8, for those of you who aren’t so good at “the Maths,” was only 2 tenths of a degree away from L4L gunning it to the emergency room. It was horrifying.
The good news? Angry Baby was doing her thang and save flushed cheeks, had no outward signs of distress. We dosed her with kiddo Advil, and agreed that if she didn’t start to come down in fever in 30 minutes, we would page the on-call.
L4L started a cool bath. Angry Baby happily played, splashed and relaxed in the cool water, she was having a blast, you couldn’t tell this kid was sick! After the bath, and drugs kicked in she was rocking a relatively balmy 101.7 temperature. We kept her comfortable and medicated throughout the night. This was just the beginning. I was fairly certain she was having another ear infection, luckily ,I had some pain reducing eardrops.
The next morning, a once playful and carefree kid was replaced with a furious, limp, mad, tired, sick baby. Sunday was spent fighting her to take fever reducers, forcing fluids, and watching her tug at the right ear every 2 hours to remind me she was due her eardrops (which were working like a charm, btw! ) I called my physicians office and left a message stating her fever spiked but seemed under control. I knew they would call, and Monday morning (30 minutes before the office was technically open) they called and scheduled us to come in within the hour. I LOVE MY PEDIATRICIAN’S OFFICE!!!
Once we arrived, Angry Baby was stripped and changed into a clean diaper (thanks for that bonus bowel movement, Kid!) as I was about to apply a fresh diaper, the nurse asked if she could take her ear temp “real quick.” I picked up a clean, completely naked angry baby and held her while the nurse read her temp. Then for the first time in days, Angry Baby began to giggle.
The little jerk peed all over me.
As my visible horror registered, this caused her to break out into maniacal laughter. She thought whizzing on my shirt was hands-down, the most hilarious thing she’d ever pulled off.
After I cleaned up, Doctor Clarke came in checked her ears out and praised me on my “Doctor Mom,” diagnosis of another ear infection in her right ear. He prescribed continued use of the pain-relieving ear drops and an antibiotic. As always, he answered my questions, including the “freebie ones” as I like to call them: THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO with the issue at hand. Sorry, I like to get my Co-Pay’s worth! When we wrapped up the visit, Angry Baby began to growl and stick her fingers in my mouth. The Doc and I laughed, one thing become exceedingly clear, she was already on the mend.
And now? 2 days later, the fever is gone, the ear pain is winding down, and the appetite is ramping up. Missing are the FEVER RAGE Fits of fury, limp noodle attacks and waking up 5 times during the night (last night she got up at 3am for 30 minutes, that was it.)
Side Note: I know all you non-parents are laughing your nards off at the “only woke us up at 3:00 am for 30 minutes,” part. No doubt you’re yelling out: “ONLY!?” And to you I say, “CHERISH EVERY LUXURIOUS MOMENT of uninterrupted sleep, you lucky lucksters!”
Angry Baby, queen of “kick me in the pills Karma,” is back to her rightful state. She’s full of vim and vigor and looking for the nearest tattoo parlor where she can get some ink to commemorate surviving ANGRY BABY EAR INFECTION FUN TIME Fall 2011 Edition. Of course she’s far too young for an actual tattoo, I mean could you imagine the STRETCHING a tattoo on a baby would do as they grew!? Talk about unattractive!
Bonus Material omitted from the first edition of this post:
Friendly Tip: When you talk to the nurse about your child’s temperature make sure you say “rectal” instead of ” anal” For Example: “Her ANAL temperature that we took anally,”…gets looks. The proper term is rectal. Oh the things I learn for you so you don’t have to die from embarassment. I’m SUCH A GIVER!