Afterschool Special: Raw

No, not THAT "Raw"

Welcome to another “Afterschool Special,” the series where we delve into the less hilarious side of babywrangling. Fear not, we’ll be back to fart jokes just as soon as I get this lil’ issue out there.

There are two sides to Angry Baby: Sweetcheeks and Lil’ Buttcheeks. You can probably surmise by the names which side Angry Baby likes to favor most. And while Angry Baby has never been afraid to let her rage flag fly free, there is one “Baby Issue,” we’ve been lucky enough to almost completely avoid…Diaper rash.

Lil Buttcheeks’ baby buttcheeks have been alabaster dinner rolls for the majority of her life. Sure, we’ve had a few chapped close calls, but nothing a quick dab of Desitin Instant Relief couldn’t cure in one application.

And then out of nowhere, she got a stomach bug, (me too, ugh!) For those of you that don’t know what “stomach bug,” is code for, let me fill you in.

“Stomach Bug” only means two things…

1. You don’t want to go to work and decide to dust off the always clever and unpredictable “Stomach Bug,” excuse when you fake-sick call in. Spoiler Alert: Everyone uses “Stomach Bug,” come up with a new lie America!


2. Explosive, biscuit-burning, sh*ts.

Angry Baby and I had the latter. Let your imaginations run wild, and try to guess how many posts and comment replies were partially written on the crapper (I’m a multi-tasker after all!)

Anyoversharings, this “bug” left her buns rosy, and I have been vigilant in keeping those cheeks painted in protection. And then sometime last night, she developed a raw spot on her inner bun shelf.

This morning I saw it, cleaned the wound and put a protective layer of antibiotic ointment. I also let her buttcheeks roam free for an hour (incident free!) to air out. Since then I have applied a layer of Desitin and diapered her. I’m refraining from giving her acidic foods today (citrus, strawberries) and later she’s going to get a bath to soak in. But I’m clueless as to any other remedies, special soaks, care etc.

Oh sure, I can look it up on the internet, but everyone knows it’s filled with crazies (present company included.) I know thousands of eyes read this each day, and many of you have kids. Surely those of you with experience in babywrangling have some tips, tricks and or home remedies. I’m really trying not to web-research it, because I’m just sure I’ll read a million “Call your pediatrician, not the internets” snarky comments. I’m all ears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shh, I'm listening to reason.

And honestly, if I don’t get any feedback and it doesn’t appear better after lunch, I’m calling the doc’s office…but I really DON’T want to be the mom that calls in about diaper rash. They already throw my disheveled azz shade when I walk in, I can only imagine the jokes they’d have with me then.

Thanks in advance for the seemingly day-one advice. I’ve been lucky to have ol’ iron buns until now, this hunka hunka burning butt is bumming me out (British slang pun and it stays!)


Afterschool Special: Raw — 10 Comments

  1. The thick, creamy desitin. The horror is, this might take a few days to reign in. Some folks use bag balm (no, seriously….bag balm is sold in stores…it was originally used for chapped ‘bags’ on cows and goats…), while others perfer Bordeaux’s Buttpaste. Personally, I have not found ANYTHING that beats the creamy desitin. Some people use the Aveeno oatmeal bath to soothe the skin, but I found out the hard way that Aveeno has stuff in it I’m HIGHLY allergic to.

    Good luck.

  2. We use the Desitin in the purple tube…maximum strength, I think? I find Boudreaux’s to be ineffective. It doesn’t seem to stay on. Anyway…that’s all I have ever used. DD has only had a few bouts of diaper rash but a couple of them have been really terrible. Purple tube Desi, have some diaper free time as you’ve done, and let it run its course is all I have to offer. Bless your little buns, Angry Baby!

  3. Aveeno Diaper Rash Cream is the best I’ve ever found. When my daughter had really bad bouts of diaper rash we would mix the Aveeno with yeast infection cream (miconozale et al) and that worked wonders… however, I wouldn’t recommend doing that unless it’s dire… the yeast med will sting on those gaping blisters. But after trying everything including paying big bucks to have cream mixed up at the Rx, this was the easiest, most cost effective remedy! Good luck! I hope you skate with only one blister!

    • Thank you so much for your suggestion. I can’t tell you how much I was able to relax once I had your “worst case scenario” remedy. I was lucky this time to quell it with diaper ointment and a long sitz bath/ oatmeal soak. But for the future I feel confident knowing even if it comes back or gets worse, I’ll have your remedy! Thanks in advance for saving me time, worry and $$$!

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