Teef Terror 2011: The Bigger They Are…

More than a Mouthful

Greetings landlubbers, ’tis your ol’ pal here to once again tell my tale of woe from the HECK of TEEF TERROR 2011! It’s been a long time since the littlest Great White Shark, Angry Baby morphed into “Queen La-Teef-a.” Matter of fact, it’s been over a month. But with a vengeance she has returned to terrorizing the waters AKA TEEF TERROR 2011.

Angry Baby is cutting MULTIPLE MOLARS right now. For those of you LUCKY ENOUGH to never have swam dealt with a teething shark child, let me break it down for you: molars are Satan’s chewing gum, figuratively speaking.

Queen La-Teef-A has been riding the Tylenol train and is still miserable. I’m icing and massaging the gums on a regular basis, and while it’s helping her feel better, I’ve about lost both hands in the process.

FUN FACT(!) Chewing on flesh, particularly my plump, roast-beef flavored(?) fingers, gives Angry Baby a laff. A big laugh. Her favorite thing to do while I’m massaging her megalodon-like jaws is throw me a sneak attack shark chomp on my digits. Spoiler Alert: She thinks it’s hilarious. My ouch(!) is funnier than a Three Stooges’ short as far as she’s concerned. The yelps of hard bitten fingers= Instant Classic Yuk-Yuks in her mind.

Even though I swear she’s thisclose to drawing blood, I can’t help but feel bad for her. This week, I’ve counted 4 molars and 3 regular teeth breaking through. That’s gotta suck. And it has, for everyone.

Late night pain-awake fest? You betcha! Over the top pain-related anger burst? Let’s just say she burst a bloodvessel in her eye from screaming so hard. It’s been RUFF. But, we’re rounding the corner, at least that’s what I’m going to tell myself so I don’t walk myself off the nearest plank, if ya catch my drift.

I keep reminding myself that she only has so many teeth, hopefully this odyssey on the seven seas of sorrow won’t last into 2012. Ah, I hear her now, if you’ll excuse me, Queen La-Teef-A yells calls.

Until later CHUMS!

Cap’n Cribsy


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