The Power of Bill Gates Compells You.

Yes, but will it get me chicks?

HAY YOU! I see you, sitting there like a bump on a pickle while you attempt to fashion a good enough excuse to get out of those things you have to do today and slink back into bed. WELL IT’S NOT HAPPENING! WAKE UP YOU FOOLS WINNING WINNERS!!!!!!!!!

You’re just gonna haff to DIG DEEP and harness the CHAIR JUMPING magic OF BILL GATES power within!

Look, it’s Thursday and truth be told I’m up to my eyeballs in work but I’ve got a jailbreaking lil’ cutie that CAN’T BE TAMED! She is into everything, and apparently wants every object I touch. To get through what I need to do today, I’m going to hunt/catch a bear, lion and dragon, cremate them and sprinkle their ashes into my Pumpkin Spice Latte, just sayin’.

The good news? I have the POWER OF BILL GATES TO MOTIVATE ME! Bill Gates in addition to being paid and regularly laid is a CHAIR JUMPING FOOL! Don’t believe me? Watch his moneybags jingle as he leaps an office chair.

And for those of you too young to know who that glorious vision interviewing him is, it’s none other than Connie Chung! Connie Chung is what Julie Chen (AKA Mrs. Les Moonves) wishes she could be. Oh sure Julie is American and in broadcasting just like Connie, but that’s where the similarities stop.

Julie Chen is a robot sent to feast on the souls of the wicked. Connie? You might know this glamorous vision of class and splendor as MRS. MAURY POVICH! That’s right, Connie Chung is married to the Prince of Paternity Tests, and Duke of Deadbeat Dads: MAURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maury, you ARE the lover!

Look, I know some of you are still bummed about Steve Jobs, and while this Bill Gates jumping over an office chair seems like a hubristic show of health and vigor, it was not intended that way. Take a look at that pic at the top of the post…It’s pretty clear by the precious bare feet and awe-inspiring hairdo that Steve Jobs was the true genius of the two. Consider that photo solid gold proof.

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