Step off, CHUMPS!

Last night I met my mother in law for dinner at a local Mexican restaurant. This is a place we frequent with her, the food is decent, but more importantly, it’s never crowded and the wait staff leaves you alone, two things my mother in law adores in a local eatery. I had an unusual experience yesterday that I find humorous enough to share with you.

 Because L4L is gone for the week, it was just me, my MIL and Angry Baby. This was the first time I had been at this particular low-key restaurant with only Angry Baby in my party. Wow! What a difference no dude makes.

Last night, no less than 5 swarthy male employees of the establishment stopped to “help” me with Angry Baby, while they assisted, fussed, and ogled me they all made elaborate attempts to engage Angry Baby, none were successful.

At first I thought nothing of it, Angry Baby is cute, and the restaurant was not busy. But when I dropped my napkin and a young gentleman was there to pick it up for me, I knew something had changed.  I looked around. The female hostess and waitresses threw me 10 coats of shade, like I was some sort of busty temptress using my baybeh to get all the dudes.

I wasn’t. I promise.

Luckily, my mother in law was oblivious and playing with Angry Baby while I fought off the lusty vultures and their repeated offers of drink refills, chips and 4 different inquiries into “how everything was going.” As we left for the evening, we were assisted out and as I waved goodbye, I flourished my wedding band at the gentleman opening the door for me. I can’t wait to eat there with lover fo’ life, it’ll be nice to be ignored again.

And a note to dudes who try to skeeze on single ladies by openly fawning over their children:

Let me be perfectly clear on this: WE KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING! Just like dogs can sense when you’re sucking up to them just to get into their owners kibble, if you know what I mean. Moms can sense dudes who are just showboating for make-out time. Dudes who actually have babywrangling talent and concern shine through on their own merit, no need to make  moony-eyed nitwits of yourself.

And for all of you just dying to know how Angry Baby handled the extra attention? She hated it.

Thanks to being perched on my mother in law like a howler monkey while she was hand-fed taco salad, Angry Baby didn’t scream too much. Throughout the dinner each time a new dude would pinch her chipmunk cheeks she gave them side-eyes of death. The kind of look that says, “Snitch, please!” and  ”I’m finna punch you in the Pillsberries.” Thankfully, her love of Tex-Mex knows no bounds, Angry Baby is easily diffused with fine meats and cheeses, much like her mother.

 No leering employees were harmed during this meal.

PS: It really did feel like THIS…(the old SNL skit with Adam Sandler and Kirstie Alley)