According to the Rules.

Where are they now?

I think we all know the girl who read the Self-Help punchline book, The Rules.

Look, I’m sure tons of you out there either 1. Dated, married and love a skank that read this crap. Or 2. Were slipped a copy by your Nana on your 18th birthday (RIP Evil Memaw.) I’m not here to hate on that piece of rubbish book, actually this post isn’t even really about The Rules. Well, save one.

#7 Don’t Accept a Weekend Date after Wednesday.

True story: I lived with some real prisses back in the day, ladies that were born 70 years old. They knew how to take all the fun out of a young trollup’s dreams. One beautiful Thursday, a gentleman caller squired me home from class and as we said our goodbyes in the lobby of my dormitory, he asked me out on a date for that Saturday.

“Cough cough cough!” The head priss interjected. I ignored her obvious attempt to hen-block my sweet Saturday make-out action and told the gentleman “Sounds fab!”

Prissy McPriss then went on to cluck:

“No no no, don’t you remember the RULES!? Number seven, you easy fool!”

The young gentleman threw her the stare of death(!) and said to me, “I’ll pick you up at 7.”

The moment he was gone, it was as if all of the cockroaches busybodies came out of the woodwork…I was group lectured, (in the FREAKING LOBBY!) They Clucked: “You should never accept a Saturday date AFTER A WEDNESDAY! Guys don’t want some pathetic hooker who they can just call up last-minute!”

Here’s what a young Crib Keeper told those hens…

“In a little over 48 hours I’ll have an extra tube of chapstick in my knapsack because YOURS TRULY IS A BEAUTIFUL EASY CHICK! AND I’M GOING TO BE MAKING OUT WITH A SUPER FOXY DUDE!!! Meanwhile, you’re going to be watching movies. Movies that are ironically all about SUPER FOXY DUDES MAKING OUT WITH BEAUTIFUL CHICKS.”

(end scene)

I don’t know how lonely or satisfied the hen-house girls are these days, and frankly, don’t care. All I do know is that this post was supposed to be about something completely different…where was I?

Ah, yes! Now I recall!!!

I’m asking y’all out on a date this weekend!!!! It’s Wednesday, so today’s my last shot to appeal to those of you who follow The Rules.


Sunday October 2nd, 2011 from 1pm-10pm at Houston’s Firehouse Saloon there will be a Benefit Concert for Texas and the FIREFIGHTERS and FIRST RESPONDERS. Here’s the Flyer…

Great Cause, Baby Bro.

As you can see, there is a ton of great talent giving their time and energy to this incredible cause. Cash donations will be accepted at the door. As a bonus, my very own BABY BRO is one of the performers!!!! I’m not going to tell you who he is but trust me, he’s got the goods!!!!!

So stop in, hear some great tunes and more importantly, help folks who have given so much to fight the horrible wildfires that have ravaged our beloved state.

Even if it’s not your “scene” you’ll still get mad hero and hipster points…C’mon try it, you’ll like it!


According to the Rules. — 2 Comments

  1. Nice! Referencing the book that has kept me from getting laid to promote the thing that counteracts it.

    Rule number 675: if he sings and plays guitar, it’s on!

    See y’all there!

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